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And it's Christmas. You remember the Christmas deal. All the rest of the year you buy the things you need and want. If you wanted 3/16" 6011 welding rod you bought it the end of November when you needed it.

You wake up Christmas morning and you find a really cool skull bandana that your wife saw and thought of you. You would never have bought it for yourself, but you like wearing it while you weld and it's a great Christmas gift.

See, your wife doesn't know what kind of welding rod you need and isn't going to buy that for you. She knows if she buys you that kind of stuff she'll get it wrong and you'll use it anyway just to make her happy, but the weld will break and your punching bag stand will collapse and crack your skull and who needs that?

Besides, what's the fun of submitting a list of stuff you need and want? The magic is in the surprise.

This is the Christmas blog.

If you wanted to look at Pajama Boy memes or see what Krauthammer said about the Phil Robertson's comments, you would have looked that up yourself. What you get here is a surprise and it's not intended to fill in all your web browsing needs for the week.

(I love how I type all this in as if anybody is ever going to actually read any of this crap . . . )

You know the deal. Official Leany on Life policy is to post on Wednesday. You probably thought that means every Wednesday.

Think of it like this:

You signed up for your year of subscription to Men's Health. So every month you get your Men's Health. There are 12 months in the year, so, logically enough, you expect to get 12 magazines.

But pretty much at random they just skip a month here and there. So your one year subscription is for ten magazines, not twelve. You can't expect them to put out a magazine every month just because that's what they do.

Well, apparently December and July are those months for the Leany on Life blog. Hey, when you play in the big boy world like Men's Health and I do, you play by the big boy rules.

On to the main dish.

I just read Hamlet. Well, it wasn't the Hamlet by Young Master William, but it was the same story.

Only it was in Wisconsin instead of Denmark.

And the family didn't rule a country, they raised dogs.

And it took place in the 1970's and there was a big barn and the girlfriend was a loyal dog and it started with a scene in Korea during the Korean conflict.

But it was Hamlet.

Here's the point (and not a moment too soon!): There are a lot of different vehicles to use to deliver the same story.

So the vehicle we're going to use today is the flap over Phil Robertson's comments. I know, I know, you stocked up on this batch of welding rod two weeks ago. This is just a cool bag to carry your helmet and gloves and leathers in.

Take any current issue and it will contain a lot of the lesson on the liberal mindset. This one happens to encompass more than most. Let's start with The Twitter Mentality. To get a country as stupid as we are today is a long process. It takes a lot of patience. But here we are. Today people are conditioned to read—at the very maximum—140 characters. They would prefer to get everything they need to know about a topic in words that will fit on a picture of Gene Wilder. So when they see the headline that Duck Dynasty people are haters, that's all they need to know. They don't have time to read the actual words he said, much less think about it.

Read the whole thing. The most inflammatory part is where he paraphrases the New Testament, and if that's all the flame you have you're going to freeze to death before the rescuers get to you. Your iPhone picture of a cigarette lighter (a brilliant metaphor relating to the headlines that aren't reality) won't keep you warm.

All the morons in the target audience need to "know" is that someone is a "hater." Which brings up the next aspect of liberals this reveals. They don't care about trashing sacred concepts. What is hate? No, really, what constitutes hating something? What does it mean? Well, any more it means nothing. The word has been thrown around so casually it's lost any significance it ever had.

The significance of hate is that its intensity implies threat of action. So it requires preparation for counteraction. If I hate weeds, some weeds are about to lose their life. So explain to me how Phil Robertson "hates" gays because he prefers a beautiful curvy woman?

So add "hate" to the list of words you can thank liberals for chucking on the scrap heap. The new rules are that the first one to cry "hate" wins That's the only arrow in their quiver. And arrows are expendable. They aren't something that you care about—use them to inflict the damage you want, and who cares if they get broken in the process. Choice is the same way. Race—Omigosh Race—is the same thing. People marched and fought and got beaten up and even died to make "racist" be the worst thing you could call a person. Today it means "I can't support my position so you have to shut up."

See, Leftist words are like names of Housing Developments. Housing developments are named for the habitat they destroyed to be built. Windy Pines. Brookside. Aspen Ridge. To find out what the liberals are intent on destroying, just find out what they pretend to support. Socialism is billed as equality. It cannot do anything but result in the exact opposite. Democrats are the biggest enemies of the democratic process you'll ever see. Their projection is woven into their DNA. Unless you understand this, you walk around very confused. What? What war on women? What are they talking about?

They are talking about themselves.

Once you understand that, things liberals say make perfect sense. Listen to them say Republicans are waging a war on women, then listen to them talk about Sarah Palin or Megan Kelley. Liberals are misogynists. They are also racists. You will never meet a more racist bigot than Chris Matthews (again with Shakespeare—the lady doth protest too much, me thinks). Bill Maher, same thing. "What? I have a black girlfriend!" Yeah? How does she feel about being referred to as your black girlfriend?

And homophobes? Why are liberals so scared to death of heterosexuals? Why does is threaten them so much that a man prefers a woman?

Just an aside—this is a view into my mind, not liberals. I love the concept of gay men. There is a finite number of women out there in the pool. When you have two guys taking up with each other that eliminates two contestants from the competition for the same number of women.

So when liberals call Phil Robertson a hater, they are saying they hate Phil Robertson. Why? Because he stated a preference. He stated a preference, the same way that some basketball player I've never heard of stated a preference for sweaty men and became a hero.

So when you hear that we are waging a war on homosexuals, just remember who fired the first salvo.

Right on the heels of the Phil Robertson deal, some judge decided that Utah's laws were unconstitutional and that gays can get married in Utah.

Who cares? Honestly, most conservatives don't give a microcrap. Let us keep the money we earned, don't invite foreign countries to have their way with us, stuff your stupid compact fluorescent light bulbs up your butt, and we don't give a crap who you want to say you're married to.

So why would we oppose it?

Because the issue isn't gays wanting to be married. What is the issue? Who knows? But it never is what they say it is. Never.

This isn't a gay issue, this is a liberal issue, but our framework in this case is gay "rights," so we'll stick with that. You recall when gays said they wanted to serve in the military. Okay, great. You want to wear a uniform and carry a gun, go right ahead.

Yayyyy!

But you can't trumpet the fact that you're gay.

Wait . . . whuuuuut?

They didn't want to serve in the military. They wanted to say "We're gay; we're proud! We're in the military!" We gave them a way to do what they said they wanted to and they said, hey! Wait a minute.

It's always that way. You say you want clean air? Here's a way to get clean air. Wait, but . . . but . . . but that way doesn't get us money. You say America is racist? Here. Let's elect a black President. But . . . but . . . but that just proves you're racist! What?

Here's the deal (wow . . . you probably weren't expecting quite so may empty calories in your main dish):

It sounds perfectly reasonable. "I love someone who has the same genitals I have. Why can't we get married? Why do we have to hide in the shadows to wear a uniform?" It sounds very compelling.

So you mull it over and say, "Yeah. Sure. Why not? By gosh by golly that's exactly right." Then you give in and they say "Hah! Just kidding! Got you again! Sucka!"

And who knows? They may really be sincere this time. But they've cried wolf every single time in the past. Do you really like falling for the same trick over and over and over again, Charlie Brown?

It's the same concept as trashing words. They don't hold anything sacred. The idea of people not being able to love each other is so compelling that you can't oppose it. Then you find out it's just a ruse and that idea is trashed. They don't care if they trash it. It wasn't sacred, it was a tool.

You've seen them do it a thousand times. It's Al Gore pretending to care about the environment so he can make millions to fly around on private jets and live in an energy wasteful home.

This is the rape hoax. The very concept of someone being raped is so horrific that it's above questioning. That's why you use it instead of "Get that guy—he insulted my pet iguana!" But then when it turns out the gal made the whole thing up, that damages every other valid rape victim. When you hear about a racist slur painted on someone's house or written on a restaurant receipt or sent in a text, you're pretty sure it's a hoax. Nine times out of ten it turns out to be. The people who perpetrate those hoaxes don't care that they are damaging the cause they pretend to defend. The cause means nothing to them. It's just a means to get what they want.

Now on to the Constitutional issue.

Whenever something like this (Phil Robertson's comments) happens you start hearing "Free Speech" thrown around. Everyone thinks they understand it. But, of course, you know enough to come here to hear it from the one person on the planet who really does. ("You" being my hypothetical reader who sleeps next to my imaginary friend in the sweater box under my bed.)

The first level of understanding is that Free Speech means you can say anything you want. A lot people still understand it this way—most of them on the left. And since what they "understand" is a complete fantasy, they are free to twist it around to their convenience. Some misogynist moron on MSNBC is free to say we should crap in Sarah Palin's mouth, but if we don't like it we are violating his Free Speech. Phil Robertson isn't allowed to prefer women and beauty queens aren't free to honestly answer questions about gay marriage. These people are morons and irrelevant . . . except that they vote . . . oh, poop.

But most people are sophisticated enough to move on to the next level.

The Constitution guarantees that the Legislature won't pass any law abridging Free Speech. That's all it says. That's the Letter of the Law regarding Free Speech.

As an aside, the issue in Utah came up as a Constitutional question. It's not about gay marriage, it's whether Utah gets to make laws or activist judges. Of course we can't be passing State Law that violates the Constitution. The Fourteenth Amendment is what the judge used to strike down Utah's law. That poor amendment and the Commerce Clause get used by liberals more than Michael Mooreon's doorbell.

So The Constitution guarantees that the government won't pass laws limiting your Free Speech, which really has very little impact on your life. Most people get that part. Your right to Free Speech doesn't prevent people disagreeing with you or your boss firing you or other consequences of what you say. A&E has every right to fire Robertson for what he says. Very few people argue with that, including everyone on Duck Dynasty and every conservative I know. No one cares if A&E cuts their own throat.

Finally, the Tao of Leany Kwon Do Understanding. The explicit wording of the Constitution only prohibits the government from passing laws abridging our Free Speech, but that codified law cascades into our culture. Because of the freedoms granted by our Constitution, we, as a culture, have a different outlook on life and those liberties are held sacred throughout our society. What sustains them are free market forces. Cracker Barrel thinks that Duck Dynasty merchandise will harm their business, then immediately realizes that pulling it of their shelves will ruin them. This is Mosiah 29.

It's not protected by the Constitution, but the document engenders the attitude. Not everything bad is prohibited by The Constitution, and not everything good is recommended by it. But the core concepts inform the way we think and live.

So the government can't pass a law abridging your Free Speech (but they do suppress it in other ways) but you are not immune from the consequences of what you say. You can still say anything you want, but your freedom to spout off doesn't nullify my freedom to point out what an idiot you are.

Which leads into the piece de resistance of this cerebral feast.

When that misogynist moron on MSNBC said someone should crap in Sarah Palin's mouth, a lot of people on my side of the Universe called for him to be fired—like that's anybody's call but his boss's.

No! Oh for crying out loud, no! Why would you want MSNBC to mask what they are?

The beautiful thing about Free Speech, not as it is guaranteed by the Constitution, but as it is practiced in this Constitutional Republic, is that it allows people to reveal who they are.

If you love gays and would like them to be able to get married, that's great. Live and be groovy, no one wants to stop you. But when you go ballistic over someone else preferring to have sex with women, it's pretty clear what your agenda is.