April 2009

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What to do until the Blog arrives

The Litter-ature novel is here. I update it regularly--every time Tyra Banks tackles me and sticks her tongue in my ear.

Chris's Obama Worship Site

LoL Cartoons

Logic Primer

Duke Boys Car Chase


Pipe Intersections

Programmable Calendar

Gymkhana Practice

Compass Course Spreadsheet

Complete Orienteering Course Files

Handy Units Conversion Utility

Things you may not know about Sarah Palin

Amazing Grace on the Sax New!

John Kerry's Magic 8 Ball

Everyone needs a regular routine for printing off the latest column to read over lunch. In the interest of helping you occupy the internet connection your boss provides, here are my suggestions for how to use your time until the lazy writer of this darn blog posts something.

Daily News
Of course, every day you need to read the news. I recommend The Nose on Your Face, news so fake you'd swear it came from the Mainstream Media. HT to Sid for the link.

Monday: Michelle Malkin
Michelle Malkin is a great conservative bastion and very smart lady. You loved her book "Unhinged" and you can read her columns here. Or you can use Monday to catch up on Dilbert.

Tuesday: Dave Barry's Column
Dave Barry is often imitated but never duplicated (and believe me, I've tried). If you want something more political for Tuesday just go to Jewish World Review to read some good stuff.

Wednesday: Daryl Cagle's Index of Political Cartoons
About half of these cartoonists are liberal (Latin for wrong) but the art is usually good. (Fantastic, if you're used to the quality of art on this site.)
Or you can read George Will's columns for someone who's both talented and intelligent.

Thursday: Ann Coulter
Ann posts her new column every Thursday. You'll find that there are two sides to every issue: Ann's side and the wrong side. You can also browse Ann's past columns (saves you the price of her new book).

Friday: Charles Krauthammer
Krauthammer posts every Friday. Just a good, smart conservative columnist. If you want someone who gets it just as right, but is easier to read, try Thomas Sowell. He just posts at random times.

Then there's always World Net Daily, NewsMax.com, The Drudge Report, FreeRepublic.com, News Busters, Jewish World Review ,(lots of great columnists), or National Review Online.

For something a little lighter there's The Onion. (For the benefit of you Obama Supporters, it's a spoof.)

If you'd like you can study The Constitution while you wait. Or you can go to radio show sites like Laura Ingraham's or Glenn Beck's or Rush Limbaugh's.

Or just follow the links above and below this section (you can't have read all my archived articles already). If you have read all my articles (you need to get out more) go to my I'm Not Falling For It section.

Above all, try to stay calm. Eventually I may post something again.

Select a Blog Tone

Awkward Moments

Did you hear about this uncomfortable moment for the President? Yeah, Obama and Biden were having dinner in the top of the Kennedy Center in Washington. The waiter asks Obama what he'd like, Obama says he'll have the pheasant under glass.

Good choice, the waiter says. And for the vegetable?

"Oh, he'll have the same thing," Obama says.

Family Time
And here's a tender moment inside the White House.

Dog Bites Man
Arlen Specter is a democrat? So what else is new?

Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
Did you see that great clip on Letterman last night? That one where Obama was reading the TelePrompTer and read the same lines twice. Oh, it was hilarious.

I didn't see it, 'cause I don't watch Letterman. But I'm sure Letterman had to have shown it because he loves showing clips of US Presidents stumbling in speeches. He never got tired of running clips of every time George Bush ever said "uh" in a speech. So I'm sure he's got to be thrilled with the material he has now.

I mean, you know unless he's not nearly as concerned about comedy as he is about being a mindless shill for the DNC, even though it means he comes in last place in late night even though Leno is on the network that comes in last place.

New Operating System
I'm thinking of designing a new operating system.

This one would automatically download updates for you and install them—without you even telling it to! No, it'll be cool, 'cause then it will automatically reboot your computer for you without even asking . . .

. . . oh, and that would close anything you were working on and you'd come back the next day and find everything gone.

On second thought, never mind. That sounds like a really, really stupid idea. No wonder no one has ever considered incorporating that into an operating system.

I'm just sayin' . . .

The Truman Show
I was a little concerned that my cartoon with Obama's jet heading for the Twin Towers was approaching the line. Then life imitated . . . uh, if not art at least cARToon.

It's like Rush says. You can't make up something so outrageous that the liberals haven't tried it in real life.

Now that Obama really has done it my cartoon has no edge at all. I just wonder how he keeps track of the nuclear football if he can't even keep from misplacing his jumbo jet.

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid
Here's the situation. The White House needed a picture of Air Force One flying 1000 feet above the ground (that's low, for you Obama supporters). No one on their payroll had ever heard of PhotoShop, so they sent Air Force One and its escorts and their carbon footprints up to buzz the Ground Zero area while they snapped pictures.

I guess it had never occurred to them that this might freak out some people, who lost 3000 countrymen the last time something like that happened.

Obama, who is in charge of Air Force One, said he found out about it the same time everyone else did. (Pronunciation guide: Lied. Rhymes with: Incompetent Piece of Lying Crap Who Lied.) (You've got to hand it to him, the man does know how to organize a community, getting them all to freak out in unison.)

Chuckie Schumer (Idiot, NY) said it was all the fault of George W. Bush. Robert Gibbs, who is the person in the White House who handles the information said "Don't ask me. Contact the White House if you had any questions."

Okay, these are the people that are going to keep you safe from the swine flu.

Karl Rove Comes to Mayberry
Who doesn't love The Andy Griffith Show? With its small town homilies and zany situations, it's always got a lesson about the nature of people.

My favorite episode is the time Karl Rove comes to Mayberry.

Apparently Karl Rove's aunt died and left a small five and dime store on Main Street. Karl Rove has no desire to stay in Mayberry; he just wants to liquidate the store and get on with his life (as an architect, of course).

The zaniness starts when Rove bumps into Thelma on his way into the store. He literally bumps into her, causing the vase she just bought to fly into the air. Rove was just taking off his hat to enter the store (people used to do that, you know). Rove catches Thelma with his left hand and the vase bounces off his shoulder, down his arm, and lands safely in the hat.

Of course, Thelma is amazed. She tells everyone the story and they agree that Rove is a magician with super-human abilities. Everyone in town is in awe until Goober says "Gawrsh, I sure hope he don't decide to use his magic agin' us."

That really sobers up everyone.

While she's quilting Aunt Bea finds out that Karl Rove is the new owner of the Five and Dime. "Oh, my," she exclaims. "We can't have that man be a citizen of Mayberry. He's a menace!" All the quilting ladies agree that something must be done.

When Andy comes home from dealing with a car wreck out on the highway to Raleigh, Aunt Bea wrings her hands. "Oh, my. Oh, my. I just know Karl Rove was behind it."

"Oh, Aunt Bea, that's just silly," Andy says. He knows that Rove checked out of the Mayberry Hotel two days earlier, but Aunt Bea won't listen to reason.

"And Mabel has had a cough for a week. I just don't know how he's doing that!" Aunt Bea wails. "Oh we are all in jeopardy. If only we'd never heard of that Karl Rove."

It was the funniest thing. Pretty soon Karl Rove was being blamed for every ill that befell the small town. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Floyd was looking out to the right to make sure Karl Rove wasn't coming to get him and ran smack dab into a car coming from the left that he never even saw.

The townspeople hold an emergency meeting to figure out how to get rid of Karl Rove. Andy can't talk sense into them. He can't convince them that Karl Rove doesn't want to live in Mayberry, he just wants to sell the store and move on. "Oh, Andy, you are so naïve. He's telling you that to trick you!" Yeah, he's trying to trick you, they all agreed. They tell Andy he doesn't understand how smart these slick city fellers are. He's educated and everything and always thinking five steps ahead of even those high-fallutin' types over in Raleigh. He's going to stay and run that store and wreck this town! Architect, my eye. He's a town wrecker. Yeah, that's what he is. A town wrecker!

They decide they have to get together funds and buy the Five and Dime so Karl won't stay in town and run the store like he wants to do. Gomer Pyle is chosen as the negotiator.

Rove is hoping to unload the store for 10 grand. When Gomer approaches him Rove says "Oh, I don't know, it's not like the store does that much business . . . "

"Go-ooo-o-lleeee!" Gomer says. "They were right. You are a crafty one."

"Uh, yeah, so I don't want to try to . . . " Karl continues.

"I'll give you 15,000 and not one dime more!" Gomer says.

"Well, that sounds pretty fair," Karl Rove says.

"Stop it, now! Just stop it!" Gomer says. "I can't take these cunning games you're playing. All right! All right! We'll take out a mortgage on the filling station and give you 20 thousand."

Because of the superstitions of the backwoods townspeople, Karl ends up with twice as much as he had hoped to get in his wildest dreams. As he heads out of town a little old lady hollers "And good riddance!" and shakes her fist, bloodying her husband's nose and confirming the legend of the evil of Karl Rove.

Otis, the town drunk, has a tear in his eye as he watches Karl Rove leave. "Who am I going to blame my troubles on now?" he wonders.

Fear Illustrated
This feeling is hard to explain. I tried to convey it with the picture of Obama playing dress up in an adult's suit. I told you how calling him "president" Obama sounds so sarcastic.

When Obama (who has no experience running anything) fired Rick Wagoner, he explained to the US auto executives that even though it seemed like he was doing the wrong thing he was going to fix the situation because he knew what he was doing better than they did. The closest I can explain what I felt was as though I was watching the second grader who got to sit it the principal's desk for the day because he had the prettiest crayon drawing.

Friday morning I started feeling crappy. Friday night on the way home I was hearing about the swine flu—the CDC equivalent of twitter; something you never heard of one day but the next day you don't hear of anything else.

By Saturday morning my flu was full-blown, with an ear infection on top of it. If you've never had a rusty railroad spike driven into your head with a sledge hammer you won't be able to understand what I'm talking about; if you have, you don't need me to explain it to you.

Matt Kenseth may be the only person I know who had a worse weekend than I did.

By Sunday afternoon I regained consciousness. At first I thought I was delirious, because the ground was covered with snow and the snowstorm was still going on. Apparently whoever is in charge of the weather in my region had not gotten the memo about global warming.

I drug my sorry carcass into the living room to watch the news. What I saw was the podium in the White House press room—the same podium from which Robert Gibbs said "I know it looked like Obama was bowing to a foreign monarch, but he was really bending over to look for a contact lens and you're not allowed to talk about this anymore." That podium. The one that has become a SNL set.

The spokesman was talking about the gummint's response to the swine flu pandemic. Holy crap! We're having a national health emergency and these guys are in charge?

Now, I've been in some scary situations in my life. For example, I was a bit uncomfortable that time I was surrounded by 150 fine Hispanic youth who had just broken my windshield.

But I never really understood fear until I realized that the health and safety of my family is in the hands of a Britney Spears clone.

World's Dumbest Human Contest
I've been privileged to work with some of the dumbest people on the planet. One day one of my co-workers was on the phone in the lunchroom trying to get a board from the hardware store.

"I'm attempting to obtain a piece of lumber." No, you're not. You're trying to get a piece of lumber. I'm sure he figured he'd get more respect talking like that. Hint: Using words that people don't use just makes you sound dumb. Just to erase any lingering doubt he said "No, it's not a 4X4, it's a 3X3, I measured it myself."

When he finally hung up the phone, he said in frustration "Geez, some people are clueless." I had to agree with him.

Of course, when you say dumb you naturally think of Janeane Garofalo. She's the one who thinks people will think she's smart if she talks about the "limbic brain" and wears hideous glasses. This is the kind of shallow reasoning that causes sentences containing "Janeane Garofalo" to be followed by sentences containing "Who the crap is Jolene Golfalga-whoever?"

Then, to complete her "No, it's a 3X3" statement, she explains that you can't disagree without Obama without being racist.

That's fine. You can have any opinion you want, no matter how stupid it makes you look.

But you should be aware that we do live on a planet with video cameras. Reasonable people are going to want to hear the story of the development of your opinion, since in 2003 you made that tirade saying dissent is the most patriotic American thing you can do.

Linguistic Crutches for Weak Minds
Here's how this works. The teacher in my daughter's music class asked if anyone knew the strings on the guitar. My daughter did, and recited them the way her dad taught her: Easter Bunny Gets Drunk At Easter.

Everyone in the class laughed, including the young student who jokingly called her "racist."

Could someone explain how that remark was racist?

I'll explain it. "Racist" is the same mindless substitute for thinking that we see with "like" and "you know" and putting an upward inflection on every phrase. It's what a weak mind uses as a general invective.

If you're talking to me, you have the burden to explain yourself. Is it a tax increase or is it "like" a tax increase and I have the burden to figure out what it really is?

Is your ability to explain so bad that you have to continually ask me if I'm like understanding what you're like saying because this friend? Was at the store? And he only had a dollar? And then like the cashier? . . .

You get the idea. If you like hear about like Easter bunnies? And they're like getting like drunk? And you like think of the word like "racist?" You are so like a total like mental freaking midget.

Ditto if "tax protest" brings up the same word.

I know this is well beyond the intellectual capability of Janeane Whatserface. But if you look at Obama and see only a black man, who is the racist? Not me. If I can't criticize Obama because he's black you are saying the man has no attributes other than his race. (See Hill, Hank, Westie Side Story)

Well doggone it, you caught me. I would have been just fine with a white guy saddling my grandchildren with mountains of debts. Hey, I love white socialists. Bring on the taxes, as long as you're white, beat me abuse me make me feel cheap.

I thought I was being pretty clever, trying to disguise my racism as an objection to tearing down the Capitalist system.

I should have known better. You just can't fool someone who wears Kissinger glasses.

I know that Janeane GaGoofy Girl didn't invent this technique--as ingenious as she is. The first time I really clued into it being used was back in the 80s when some kid shot some people on the New York subway. His defense: "You're only prosecuting me because I'm black."

Seriously. Do you have a copy of that rule book? I'd like to see the statute that lists what crimes you have license to commit because of your race.

Note to Obama: Turning my country into a socialist utopia is not on that list.

I wish Meghan McCain would like totally like just so go away
So Meghan McCain goes on The View and starts blasting Cheney. By the way, what's the name of that network panel where Ann Coulter is given a forum to voice her opinion on the alphabet media? Oh, wait . . . I might be mistaken there . . .

Anyway, on the DNC's propaganda show The View, Meghan McCain says that Cheney's criticizing a sitting president is "very unprecedented."

"It's very unprecedented for someone like Karl Rove or Dick Cheney to be criticizing the president. It's very unprecendented, a former vice president, and obviously Karl Rove, and my big criticism is: you had your eight years, go away."
Volumes could be written on all the ways Ms. McCain is wrong. In fact, volumes have been written. Unfortunately, since none of them have been rendered to hip-hop, she'll never be exposed to any of them.

First off, what Dick Cheney did was not "attacking." That's what her hip boyfriend Obama did to him. Cheney was committing what we real Republicans call "self defense."

So Obama decides to release some memos about our "enhanced interrogation techniques." Explain to me again what the purpose of that was? What it accomplished was to make America look bad in the eyes of the world, reveal our inner workings to our enemies, show the world that we are engaged in a petty cat fight, and expose Obama's incompetence. But it does, in his small mind, make the former administration look bad.

Note to Obama: Here in America the new administration doesn't send the old one to prison. That happens in third world countries like where you grew up. But in the part of the world where we have safe drinking water and don't pee in the streets, we don't do that.

So Cheney says "Memos? Okay, tough guy, you want to release memos? Release the memos. Go ahead, release the memos that tell the whole story. What's that? Yeah, that's what I thought, you spineless wuss."

Second, a former president (or vice president) attacking a sitting president was unprecedented (as opposed to "very" unprecedented) until Carter and Clinton and Gore blasted the rules, including the one that says "Politics ends at the water's edge." Clinton (pardon my language) happily bashed Bush overseas while Bush was trying to deal with the terrorism Clinton had brought to our shores.

Hey, maybe Meghan is referring to the way Al Gore "went away" after his time was up. ("He BETRAYED this country! He played on our FEARS!")

And Jimmy Carter, the Worthless one, called Bush "The worst president in history," proving to those that didn't already know that he was in a coma through the entire Carter administration.

(HT Michael Medved on Carter's appellation)

A second term at last
I'm glad Jimmy Carter is still alive to see the day he got his second term. It's just a shame he's too senile to appreciate it.

Like a Dog to its Vomit
Proverbs talks about a 'dog returning to its vomit' to describe how a fool returns to his folly.

As you know, I don't do politics any more. I have not watched any of the Sunday morning political shows since last November. I seldom watch the news. Since the last election the whole thing disgusts me. Vomit is the best word to describe it, because that's how I feel watching this. And you have to understand that this is coming from a man who lived through Carter and Clinton (pardon my language).

Well, I might mention it here occasionally. But be consoled by the fact that it tortures me the same way that a drunk waking up in the gutter suffers abject remorse that he's once again failed to conquer the vice that is ruining him.

You can't really call it an addiction because it brings me no joy. As I understand it, being high is a pleasurable sensation and you don't get the downer until after it's over. For me it's disgusting even in the middle of it.

But on the other hand, addictions never fulfill on their promises, do they? I think you hate the mistress of addiction even while you are making love to her.

But I justify it this way (classic addicted behavior): There is some important stuff going on out there right now.

The Triumph of Fashion over Reason
For example, here are two important articles

Meghan McCain is the girl who has no musical taste of her own but loves Hannah Montana because she thinks her friends want her to love Hannah Montana.

You first heard of this mindless twit when she took on Ann Coulter thinking that would make her look cool and chic to the left.

Ms. McCain, who apparently is unaware that running a nation might be more complex than running the nightclub circuit, proposes that hipness be the standard we use to measure our leaders.

This attitude that values body piercing over piercing insight is what got us to the mess we are in.

(I know, I know that line is pretty lame. I read an article about editing that compared bad lines like that to burning the vegetables when an important guest is coming over to dinner. You've worked so hard on them you don't want to leave them out, even though serving them ruins the whole meal.)
As you might have guessed, Thomas Sowell addresses the issue much better than I can, so just read his article.

Republicans don't fit Ms. McCain's ideal. They're the guys wearing business suits running things.

We can only hope that Meghan's friends will step up if our country ever needs a crowd of tattooed, body-pierced clones to hang around outside a mall with hats on sideways and underwear showing, flipping their cell phones open and closed and saying 'f---' a lot.

You might have noticed that my blog is somewhat text-intensive. I believe within the industry the term is "boring." This I do on purpose to filter out people like Meghan McCain, who value Flash animations over substance.

Having lots of stuff to read automatically filters out weak-minded people like the Meghan McCain set who want to see shiny objects and videos of people getting hit in the crotch. There are plenty of places they can go.

Myself, I'd rather not sit through videos or PPS files that slowly go through each slide with music behind. Give me the message; let me read it and move on.

This format automatically keeps the liberals away except the ones that are smart enough to see I'm lampooning them, so it's good for my entertainment, too. The liberal who can't sit through a lot of text wouldn't be offended anyway, so what fun is that?

Basic Math
Everyone knows that 100 is bigger than 8. Duh. Why would you protest at the government spending 8 billion when it's going to cut 100 million? Ingrate.

I am, of course, referring to this exchange where Obama's little minion is trying to explain how 100 million in budget cuts is a helluva lot, while 8 billion in pork is nothing at all.

The problem here is just youth and inexperience. Obama supporters aren't old enough to go to the mall by themselves; you can't expect them to have seen this trick before . . . namely on the pilot episode of Beverly Hillbillies. That's the one where Jed is explaining to Aunt Pearl that they're going to give him 25 to 100 of "some new kind of dollar" for his farm. Pearl rolls her eyes, knowing that Jed's been had. She asks what kind of dollar.

"Million dollars," he says.

It was funny when I was 10 years old. Now that I'm paying taxes it's not so funny. Glenn Beck explains how small $100 million is.

100 million dollars is the interest we pay on the national debt every 2 hours. Evey 2 hours every day of every year we are paying $100 million in interest.

It's .0029% of the budget--not the deficit, the budget.

To put that in perspective, let's say your household makes $100,000 per year. If you're like the government you are spending $134,000 a year in this scenario. So the equivalent of the $100 million that Obama wants them to target in the next 90 days is . . .


That's one latte you'll have to give up. One, in the whole year out of the whole budget.

But the maddening part is that Obama has a team of behavioral psychologists that coach him on what to do to appear like he's doing the right thing. Not to do the right thing, to come across like he's doing the right thing.

You could say "Well, it's a start. Give the guy a break, he's trying. It's a start." No, it's a deception. You're being played for a fool. And very effectively, too.

Oh, wait, I forgot. The guy who proposed this is black. I'm not allowed to have an opinion.

(Could you possibly get more blatant? Evil has a face and it wears ugly glasses.)

Our Secretary of State on Obama Allowing Himself to be Used as a Propaganda Tool
Well, at least one liberal understands what a horrible mistake Obama is making kissing up to enemies of America. It's none other than the lady (LOL) who is in charge of our foreign policy.
HILLARY CLINTON: Well, I will not promise to meet with the leaders of these countries during my first year. I will promise a very vigorous diplomatic effort because I think that it is not that you promise a meeting with that high a level before you know what the intentions are. I don't want to be used for propaganda purposes. I don't want to make a situation even worse . . . certainly we're not going to just have our president meet with Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez and, you know, the president of North Korea, Iran and Syria until we know better what the way forward would be.
If you're more interested in this than I am you can read a better discussion here.

Getting It Wrong
You've heard me talk about Rush and how he hopes Obama will fail. You've heard me talk about Chris Buttars getting beaten by the press for something he never said.

I wonder if you knew before I did that they are the same story.

In both cases the press got it completely wrong. In both cases they were not so abysmally stupid that they just misunderstood. They intentionally mischaracterized what was said.

For example, one cartoon about Rush was something like this:

Obviously, this is a complete perversion of what was going on. The correct perspective on the issue I've provided for you below.

In addition to accurately portraying the story, it also offer it as a candidate for my most offensive cartoon every, continuing the quest I started with the one about Islamists and the nail bombs messing up their Kiblah compasses.

Why would I post a cartoon depicting a plane flying into the Twin Towers? Because I refuse to let the liberals set my bounds. I do it for the same reason I use the phrase "straying off the plantation" with 'Joe,' who is offended because using the word "plantation" is straying off the prescribed plantation.

These are not old stories. After two weeks they were old stories. Now they have passed into the region of illustrative classics; stories from history that are used to teach principles because they so effectively encapsulate important lessons. To dismiss them as old news would be like eliminating the story of Hannibal's elephants from texts on military strategy.

These are lessons about the motivation for getting it wrong. If you want a new story you need look only as far as the recent Tea Parties. The left was giggling about how stupid we are for calling it tea bagging. Except we never did call it tea bagging.

As Ann coulter points out in her latest column (which you no doubt have already read) that's like laughing about Hillary's name being Ima Douche. It would be hilarious (in an eighth grade sort of way) except that's not her name. But the truth has never stopped the left from trashing the country they live in.

Hmm. Maybe that's both stupid and evil.

Of course you've picked up on the underlying assumption behind the Evil-Stupid Continuum. Being evil requires a certain degree of skill. This is like that (completely fictitious) Don Velasquez character that I made up that 'Joe' admired for his ability to do evil things on the company network.

That's not to say you have to be skilled at evil to do damage. Every parent has heard the protest "I didn't mean to!" which doesn't change the fact that your latest Hot Rod magazines is covered with milk that shouldn't have been knocked over. Or the driver that's distracted can kill as many people as the one who's driving drunk.

So we'd rather someone not do damage by their incompetence. But if their intent is to do evil, we hope they're incompetent at that. Like Obama. If he were trying to fix capitalism we'd hope he's skillful. But since he's trying to replace it with Marxism it'd be nice if he were incompetent.

Which brings us back to Rush's statement. Which is where we came in on this movie.

Good day.

Global Warming Update
It's well below freezing. The entire landscape is blanketed with a 3" layer of snow. It's beautiful. Or it would be . . . if it weren't April Cotton-Pickin' 16th!

I have driven on some slick roads in my time. That one time at Thistle Junction would have killed an ordinary mortal. But I have never driven on a slicker road than this morning on the way to work. The freeway was shut down. Some –ing moron cut off the guy in front of me and the only reasons I didn't wreck were 1) My driving skills are vastly superior to those of other drivers (even considering the fact that 90% of all drivers are better than average), and 2) my car doesn't have ABS (Absence of Brakes in the Snow). If you have ABS and you are driving on icy roads you are going to crash.

Offensive Trademarks
When I was in my early 20s my sister's family hired Peter Fleck I to teach them to barefoot water ski. It was a great opportunity. That was an incredibly fun week. At the end of the week my sister said "Okay, everybody over by the boat for a picture." Of course we all headed over to the boat for the obligatory group picture. Now, protocol dictates that you have to complain about this, even while you know that you'd pay anything to get a copy of that picture once it's developed (Yes, we did use to use something called "film"). So I expected the "Oh, Mom!" protests. What I didn't expect is what Peter Fleck said.

"I can't."


"I can't have my picture taken by your boat. I have contracts with other manufacturers and I'm not allowed to be in a picture with that brand of boat."


Of course you've read this blog long enough to know that the point of this post has nothing to do with boats or barefoot waterskiing or corporate contracts. It's about Obama's speech at Georgetown. It's about something 21.73 times as unexpected as Peter Fleck's statement.

Honestly, you are not going to believe this. I swear, as imaginative as I am, I could not make up this story. Obama gave some self-serving speech at Georgetown (I know, you do believe that). But when the White House advance team went to the school to get everything ready beforehand they noticed the letters "IHS" on the pediment above the podium.

You've seen INRI (Jesus of Nazareth King of the Jews) on crosses. Well IHS is the same sort of abbreviation for "Jesus," and it appears on the pediment above the podium at the Jesuit University Georgetown.

The White House required the university to cover those letters before Obama could speak. Honestly. I swear, I am not making this up. So, over this beautiful architectural carving they stuck a piece of black painted plywood, so Obama wouldn't have to appear under letters representing the name of Jesus.

Just in case I've failed in my efforts to get on the DHS list of right-wing whackos, let offer some pro bono advice to Georgetown: For, behold, you should not have feared man more than God.

Which Segues Nicely Into . . .
Last week I got that e-mail about the words that were left off of the WWII memorial. You got that e-mail. It's the one that ended with "If you don't forward this to everyone you know you hate God and America, you freaking pinko commie." It said that the memorial had the text of Roosevelt's "Yesterday, December 7, 1941, a day that will live in infamy . . . " speech, but they had intentionally left off the last words "So help us God."

That would be disturbing, if it were true. The monument doesn't have the speech. It has a paragraph of the speech, and it's not the paragraph that says "So help us God."

Now the person that sent it didn't know it was a . . . well, it wasn't a hoax, I don't think. Maybe the person who started it around was sincere and just didn't understand. Maybe he was mistaken, maybe he was too lazy to check, or maybe he was trying to rile people up.

This is the same Evil-Stupid continuum I'm always jabbering about. If only someone would invent a blog format that had 'tags' or something I could just link all of my musings all together. Oh, well. I guess you'll never know that this is the same question you had watching the Clippers game the other night wondering "Is that big doofus trying to hurt our guys, or is he just clumsy?"

Anyway, there is one more possibility. And I'm warning you, it's out there. Maybe it was started by someone on the left to discredit the right. Hey, I warned you. But if the left started it or not, that's the effect that it has. It undermines our credibility.

But take a look at this. It's the same concept as . . .

The Boy Who Cried Wolf. (Hah! You thought I was going to talk about the Evil-Stupid Continuum again.)

If the left didn't start it, it's not 'cause they're not evil; they're just too stupid to think of it (okay, so now I mention it). 'Cause when Obama refuses to make a speech under the letters "IHS" I refuse to believe it. It's sounds so ridiculous and so outrageous that I keep trying to find out who went to the elaborate measures to perpetrate this hoax.

You Make me Sound Like a . . .
I'm a right-wing wacko. No, I am. I am disgusted by Clinton, I can't read Newsweek without puking and I would not watch Letterman even if he had Kim Kardashian pole dancing on there . . . wait. I can be reasonable.

The point is, I'm as conservative as you can get.

I really am. Because if you get to the right of me, you get into nut job territory.

I do not buy into the whacked out conspiracy theories that some people, including people I work with, do. Because I study the Constitution and read scriptures and say the pledge of allegiance and attend tea parties I have to constantly differentiate myself from the conspiracy whackos that do the same thing.

Here's the problem. How do I sound when I talk about the DHS's Right-wing extremist watch list? How do I sound when I say "Did you know that Obama refused to give a speech under letters representing Jesus's name?"

Honestly, how do you accurately describe what Obama is doing without sounding like a complete lunatic?

That's the worst thing about him. I don't care if he's a lunatic, but making me look like a lunatic is going way too far.

As you know, no concept is so complex that it hasn't been explored in a Jerry Bruckheimer movie. In this case it was in Days of Thunder. It happened when Dr. Kluwickin accurately analyzed Cole Trickle's problem with denial, and the illusion of control (which monologue you, like any reasonable human being, have memorized). Then she says "I hate you for this. You make me sound like a doctor."

Which doesn't really segue into . . . .
You know something I love about America? The police are the good guys. That's a difference between here and some other countries, including one just to the south. If you get pulled over you don't have to worry that you're going to get shot because you don't have enough bribe money.

Here we have Rule of Law. Here we understand Trust.

In America the prosecutors, as a general rule, are the good guys and the . . . hold on a second.

I'm sorry, that's the way it used to be. Maybe it never was, but now it's just common knowledge and what the heck are you going to do about it? You remember my friend who said the difference between bribery here and in other countries is that here we know it's wrong. He was from Louisiana, which is as far as you can get from America without boarding a plane, so he knew what he was talking about.

In the post Duke Lacrosse player and Ramos and Comfean case all pretense is dropped. The fact that you didn't do anything wrong is no guarantee some prosecutor won't come after you to further whatever agenda he has. It's like being on a lonely stretch of highway in Mexico and seeing the flashing lights in your rear-view mirror.

You think I'm being dramatic? Ask Ted Stevens, the senator that prosecutors targeted to get a demorat into his senate seat. As it turns out, he did nothing wrong. Well, other than being a Republican. The whole thing was a setup.

I really want my country back.

After the local Tea Party last night we watched Blackhawk Down. Read the book. Just do it. But if for some reason you don't want to, at least watch the movie at a minimum of once every year.

The reason you want to do that periodically is because it reminds you of a few things. It reminds you how we got into this mess with terrorism. It shows what a world without America looks like.

But my take on it last night, in context of the Tea Parties, was a little different.

In "Fog of War" Robert McNamara talks about understanding our enemies. He talks about how the whole Vietnam mess could have been avoided if both sides had been willing to try to understand the other side. That's the way it is in most wars—not all, but most.

We had no idea what the situation is in Somalia. In that we are fortunate. We can't understand the sub-human conditions over there. All we know is that people are starving and warlords are stealing the food we're sending them.

One of these times while watching that movie put yourself in the shoes of the Somalis—even the bad guys on that side. They are lucky to have running water. Their most sophisticated weapon is a machine gun in the back of a 25 year old truck. We are flying over in helicopters and mapping out the city with satellites.

Yeah, they think we're pretty arrogant. Sure, they're going to be thrilled when they can shoot down a helicopter that's worth more than the GDP of their entire country. Day after day after day we fly over and do whatever we want and they can do nothing about it. Yeah, they're going to think we're pretty arrogant.

That little exercise is key to understanding Obama's worldview. That is his world. That's what his DNA comes from. (Note to anyone screaming "racist." I envy you. That's got to be pretty handy to be able to pull that out as a substitution for giving an honest effort to understanding.) Obama is genuinely embarrassed at prosperity. He is. He cannot stand that someone has more than someone else.

That could be admirable. It really could. Unfortunately his solution is to make everyone equally poor.

That's his domestic agenda—that's his foreign policy agenda. Social and economic "justice." That's where he's coming from. That's the lens that brings into focus his socialist agenda and his execrable America-bashing to other nations.

But here's the rub. He makes out like a bandit. In the actual implementation of socialism that equality doesn't extend to the ruling elite. "Equality" means that the Politburo has prosperity while the bourgeoisie suffers. Pretty handy for people like Hillary and Obama.

Hey, who ever said liberals make sense?

What Obama Does Not Understand About the Country he was Hired to Lead
From the movie The Wind and the Lion.
Theodore Roosevelt: The American grizzly is a symbol of the American character: strength, intelligence, ferocity. Maybe a little blind and reckless at times . . but courageous beyond all doubt. And one other trait that goes with all previous.

Loneliness. The American grizzly lives out his life alone. Indomitable, unconquered - but always alone. He has no real allies, only enemies, but none of them as great as he.

2nd Reporter: And you feel this might be an American trait?

Theodore Roosevelt: Certainly. The world will never love us. They respect us - they might even grow to fear us. But they will never love us, for we have too much audacity! And, we're a bit blind and reckless at times too.

The American grizzly embodies the spirit of America. He should be our symbol! Not that ridiculous eagle - he's nothing more than a dandified vulture.

It's not my responsibility if you're wrong.
Sorry about that little parenthetical outburst. Look, Obama is what he is. If you think that anyone who criticizes him is racist, what does that say about you? That says that you believe Obama only has one siimple dimension. Who's narrow-minded again?

We've been cornered into a weird place where we are berated for not discussing race but we're not allowed to talk about it. I won't follow those rules.

You could read this blog and call me a racist. If you are a person that values being hip over thinking, I hope you do think I'm racist.

Why would I want you to think I'm racist if I'm not?

I need to tell you about a kid in high school, I'm just going to call him Richard. Richard was always surrounded by the prettiest girls.

Richard was gay.

Hey, I'd pretend to be gay if it helped me get women.

Here's the deal. I can't stop you from believing things that are not true. But I can act as the Wild Weasel F4 Phantom.Your incorrect judgments say more about you than they do about me. I'm not going to put up a big protest trying to convince you I'm not racist.

What I will tell you is that I refuse to adapt my speech to your expectations to avoid your pulling out your little toy bow and shooting me with your little 'Racist!' arrow.

Is it Time for 'Joe' to Make an Appearance?
You remember the e-mail I sent to 'Joe' about the Conscience Clause.
Help me reconcile "The party that accepts all viewpoints" with rescinding the Conscience Clause. It seems like 'Choice' is only sacred for those who don't stray off the plantation with their viewpoint.
Well, he pulled out his worldview lens and examined it and came back with this:
Adviso: the use of the word “plantation” in political rhetoric is certainly racist.
Apparently lost on 'Joe' was the irony of chiding me for using the word "plantation," thus demonstrating that he didn't approve of straying off the plantation.

So I answered him back that

Plantation was specifically chosen to underscore the irony. Any other words I'm not allowed to use in the world of encompassing all viewpoints?


Ba-dah ba-dah-ching!

But Back to What I was Saying
Most of the people in Mogadishu weren't actively opposed to the United States. They didn't oppose Aidid, because that's a good way to get killed. And it's a shame to get killed for a political viewpoint when you've survived starvation and disease and random violence your whole life.

But when you have a crashed helicopter in the middle of your town you join in the mob mentality.

But think about this. In the final scenes of the movie you remember an old man carrying a dead child across the street. The Americans kill your grandson, you don't care if the Americans are there on a humanitarian mission. You're going to curse America with your last breath.

You can't blame a person for that. He had nothing to do with the deal and his grandson is dead. He doesn’t care that child is dead because we were there trying to kill the bad guys. He's going to be an enemy of America forever.

Just so you know
That post may sound like a case against war—and it is. But it's really a case against war, not a liberal case against war, meaning, "if we just wouldn't fight there wouldn't be bad guys."

This is a case against war in the way that all military men hate war. That's why you do as little of it as you can. The way you do that is by not pussyfooting around.

That is why you have to kill bad guys. Kill them early, kill them often. Do not let it get into a protracted situation where they are on anything close to a level footing with you. The longer bad guys live the more innocent people will get hurt.

April 15th
All I want to do is relax. Really. I got my taxes done early this year—nearly 24 hours before the deadline—and I just wanted to sit back and relax and not think about it.

No such luck.

As you know, April 15 is the day that Lincoln died. The first assassination of an American president was the only event so horrible that it could be commemorated with Tax Day. As it turns out, I'm compelled by the Blogger's Code to post something about the Tea Parties that are going on today to protest government spending.


Okay. If I must.

First, these are about government spending. Taxes are a necessary . . . not even an evil. It's not unreasonable to ask members of a society to contribute to its functioning. No (reasonable) person is opposed to paying taxes. But "tax" is not another word for "rape." For crying out loud.

See if you can sing this next part to the tune of "If I Had a Trillion Dollars." Government spending is out of control.

Sure, we spend a trillion here and a trillion there. But it's a big country. Really, we've got 300 megapersons to spread that out over.

Just to put it in perspective, take a look at these pictures of what out of control looks like. (I apologize for the pop-ups, but I was too apathetic to link the pictures to my site.) the government throws around billions and trillions like we ignore pennies that we find on the sidewalk.

Here's a better way to look at it. Let's say that on the day that the Babe was born in Bethlehem you started spending one million dollars every single day. As of today you would still not have spent a trillion dollars.

In fact you would have to keep spending one million dollars every day for another 730 years! That's nearly 7-1/2 centuries, for those of you who voted for "change."

So I don't mind doing my part. But for crying out loud . . .

Two words: Rick Perry.

Finally, here's how we do things on the right. When we have a grass-roots movement it comes from the grass roots. It comes from people with a common cause getting together and doing something.

When you see a bunch of pissed off people at a tea party, they are not being paid to be pissed off. They're not ditching class or getting bused there from the welfare office. When we do it on our side and the chairman of the RNC says he wants to come we politely tell him "Look, this is a chance for Americans to speak and elected officials to listen. Not the other way around."

On the other side they don't have grass roots. They do Astro-turfing. George Soros and Obama's old employer ACORN organize people and pay them and provide them buses to go to AIG executive's houses and terrorize their families..

This is what you can expect from the party that plants people at Hillary rallies to prove how quick she is on her feet.

This is the same deal I talked about with people selling the free tickets to Leno's show. You're screwing up the system. Reviews and feedback online is for ordinary people who bought the book or the iPod app, not the developer or his friends marketing it. When you do that it screws up the credibility of the whole thing.

It's like when the marketing manager of Legasleaze Mazda posted fake reviews about how wonderful Legasleaze Mazda is . . . or was. (I guess with a market this size you can only fool so many people before you're out of business, regardless of how many fake reviews you post.)

The danger of this is what I'm always yakking about. Society cannot exist without Trust. This astro-turfing crap cuts both directions from the center. It captures the naïve, making them believe something that's not true; and it jades the savvy, preventing them from believing what is true.

Which segues neatly into . . .
The DHS targeting right-wing extremists.

You remember back during the Clinton (pardon my language) administration. E-mail was just taking hold in the mainstream. You got that shocking e-mail about Janet Reno's appearance on 60 Minutes. In that interview she outlined her profile of dangerous cult members who were a threat to the United States. This included anyone who talked about the Constitution or read the Bible or had food storage. Basically Mormons.

Well, of course I was very alarmed. I mean, I knew what a skunk Clinton was, but this was just an all-out assault on liberties. It was outrageous!

Trouble was Reno had never done an interview with 60 Minutes. The whole thing was a giant hoax.

So when I heard about the DHS document I dismissed it as the same thing. It didn't help that I heard it from drama queen Michael Savage. But Drudge was reporting it, who, despite efforts of the left, is pretty credible. Then Glenn Beck was reporting it, then I tracked it back through the very non-hoax buying-into Michelle Malkin. Even CBS News was reporting it, which admittedly doesn't lend credibility to something, but it did show that the left was reporting it, too. Even if what they were reporting was how upset the whacked out lunatics on the right were about it and that it was really nothing at all and that DHS had released a similar (which was a lie) report earlier warning about the dangers of left-wing extremists.

The report basically says Rightwing Extremism: Yah-dee ya-dah . . . well, here it is in case you haven't already read it.

It's real. I mean, you knew it was real. It's the Malfoy supporting Voldemort deal. You knew the current administration would like to eliminate those who disagree with them, but they're not even trying to hide it now.

Nothing to Worry About
You know the deal. If you can see that we're screwed I don't have to tell you. If you're still focusing on Michelle's great arms, nothing I can say will convince you.

So 'Joe' came into my office the other day. You remember 'Joe,' the fictitious token liberal character that I fabricated (completely out of my imagination without any reference to real people I might work with) to illustrate the validity of my veiwpoit. That 'Joe." So 'Joe' said "Well, we're still here."


"Yeah, we haven't been blown up or anything."

'Joe,' could I ask what you're talking about?

"President Obama's been president for three months now, and we haven't all been blown up."

I'm glad he has such high standards for success for his guy.

Last summer we were boating on the Colorado River, and I thought how nice it was that the river was so calm. We didn't have to worry about the scouts drowning. Then two of the scouts overshot a landing and had to be rescued. (Note: For future reference, don't put the two dumbest scouts in the same boat together). Then it occurred to me that the situation was more dangerous than it seemed. In real life you aren't forewarned of impending hazards by dramatic music.

One of the leaders hopped out of one boat to leisurely swim to another (he had a life jacket, of course). The current was deceptive and he was losing ground. He got fatigued and had to be rescued, too. Unless you've been in those waters it's impossible to understand how you can swim your hardest and keep going the wrong direction. The weird thing is, it's so gentle there's no abrupt moment when it's suddenly clear you are screwed. It just gradually dawns on you that you have no control over where you're going and your best efforts are inadequate to do anything about it.

That's where we are. The fact that Chris Matthews is still tingling up his leg instead of screaming about the banks being nationalized and socialized health care being implemented doesn't mean we are safe. What would you have said a year ago if I told you the United States government was going to be firing the heads of private companies? You shouldn't have to have read Atlas Shrugged for that to make you shiver.

Despite what he said in his attempts to race bait, Obama looks exactly like other presidents. If he looked like Ahdad-de-nutjob we wouldn't have this problem. But he's clean-shaven, soft-spoken and wears a suit and tie. He's the calm water in the river.

And we're being swept away.

On its front cover the Utah state income tax instruction book heralded "New for 2008: No need to mail paper W-2s with your return!"

Well, that's pretty cool. You don't have to go to all the trouble of stapling that little printout to your tax return. On page 17, under 'Attachments to Return' it explains: ". . . do not send copies of your forms W-2 . . . showing Utah withholding, as these forms are now listed on the TC-40W."

Cool! It's already listed right there on the . . . what is a TC-40W?

As it turns out, TC-40W is another form that you have to fill out, copying the information from the boxes on the W-2 (of which you have three copies) that someone else has already filled out.

Stupidest thing I've ever seen.

Apropos of Absolutely Nothing
A guy I work with proffered this truth: No matter what age your kids are you're probably wishing they were some other age.

George Bush is an Idiot
Did you hear this? Omigosh, what a bumbling idiot that George W. Bush is. He said—and you're not going to believe this—that "we are resolved to halt the rise of privacy . . . " Privacy! LOL He can't even say "piracy."

What a dim bulb. The man can't speak English. How does he think he can run a country if he can't even utter a sentence without . . .

Hold on a second . . . .

Okay . . . uh huh . . . are you sure? . . . Well, check just to be sure . . . okay . . . so it's confirmed?

Folks, I'm getting word that it was actually not George W. Bush, but our own revered President Obama who, in an entirely understandable and unimportant slip of the tongue, said that we are resolved to halt the rise of privacy.

Look, we all know what he meant. Hey, who of us hasn't slipped up on a word here or there? And Heaven knows we didn't have lights and cameras in our faces and a whole nation to worry about running. Geez, I say let's give the guy a break. It's not like it hurt anything. Can't we just get beyond our partisanship and listen to what the man's trying to tell us rather than how he says it? Please? Can't we?

Thank you for your understanding.

Who's Free to Choose?
So I e-mailed 'Joe.'
Help me reconcile "The party that accepts all viewpoints" with rescinding the Conscience Clause. It seems like 'Choice' is only sacred for those who don't stray off the plantation with their viewpoint.

Reminder: Democratic is an adjective which does not describe the democrat party.

Did you hear that?
When I read that I hear a ba-dahba-dah-bing Crash! It sounds just like a rim shot in the background.

Obama's Spokesman is Evil
As a resident intellectual of Leany.com University you know the deal. When someone does something bad he either did it intentionally (succeeded in doing bad) or unintentionally (failed in his efforts to do good).

The deal with Obama demonstrating servility by bowing to the Saudi King is a perfect example. It's a simple fact that he bowed. You can't hide under the stupidity umbrella on that one. It's pretty clear that the White House spokesman, whose name is not important enough for me to look up, is lying—which, as most non-liberals still agree is evil.

You can't swing a dead lawyer without hitting a half dozen examples of this. I was playing Frisbee the other night and there were some puddles around. I was making sure that I didn't splash the girl I was throwing to, but it occurred to me that a mean person who threw very well or a decent person who threw very badly might splash the other person.

Anyone seen a dead horse around here?
Another perfect example of the evil or stupid question is the Rush Limbaugh hopes Obama fails deal. On the first level, Obama is trying to do evil. Of course we hope he fails. That's quite different from the way it's being painted as he's trying to do good and we hope the country fails.

On the next level is understanding the liberals who tried to run with this—before they figured out it was a no-starter. They understood exactly what Rush was saying, they just chose to pervert it.

Here's the best synopsis of it that I've found.

Limbaugh told his listeners that he was asked by “a major American print publication” to offer a 400-word statement explaining his “hope for the Obama presidency.” He responded:

So I’m thinking of replying to the guy, "Okay, I’ll send you a response, but I don’t need 400 words, I need four: I hope he fails." (interruption) What are you laughing at? See, here’s the point. Everybody thinks it’s outrageous to say. Look, even my staff, "Oh, you can’t do that." Why not? Why is it any different, what’s new, what is unfair about my saying I hope liberalism fails? Liberalism is our problem. Liberalism is what’s gotten us dangerously close to the precipice here. Why do I want more of it? I don’t care what the Drive-By story is. I would be honored if the Drive-By Media headlined me all day long: "Limbaugh: I Hope Obama Fails." Somebody’s gotta' say it.

Since I'm sure you're still as fascinated as I am with this two-month old story here's a good article about it.

Especially interesting—from a "Hm, I never thought about that" standpoint—is this paragraph:

If, as White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel says, Rush Limbaugh "is the voice and the intellectual force and energy behind the Republican Party," it is only fair to ask: Who is his Democratic counterpart?
It was while analyzing this ('analyze' meaning: 'Thinking about it when I should have been doing other things') that I discovered an area in the middle of the Stupid—Evil Continuum: lazy and apathetic. Maybe some of these liberal journalists, commentators and cartoonists are just so yellow-dog democrat that they take the intellectually lazy path of proliferating the official party stance.

Take that! You . . . you dead horse . . . you.

Have You Noticed?
It's become fashionable on the right to subtly bash Bush. They talk about mistakes that were made, but always without being specific.

Yeah, he did some stupid things. I'll be specific: the TARP debacle. Screw him. Or, if for nothing else, not pardoning Ramos and Comfean immediately would be enough to prevent me from ever defending him.

He'll go down in history as the worst president ever, but not because he was. Not even because the left thinks he was. It's because the left can do it and he's pissed off the right to the point that we won't stop them from doing it.

But I continue to defend him. Why? Because I won't jump on the mindless Bush-bashing bandwagon—people who bash him because they are weak-minded and are told by David Letterman that they don't like him. I have my reasons for being disappointed with him, but I defend him so I don't get lumped in with the mindless masses who think exactly like the Lettermans of the world tell them they must think.

Same thing with Republicans. I am Republican. I'm not going to weenie out with "Well, I'm more of a Reagan conservative," or "I lean libertarian" although those are all true. I am a Republican.

I don't give them money, because, as I told the gal who called from the RNC asking for a donation, it's a complete waste. What does a spine cost? Until you own one of your own, any money I give you will just be flushed down the toilet as you continue to play the abused spouse to the demorats.

Crazies to the left of me; Wimps to the right (and here you are, stuck in the middle with me).

Chris Buttars May be a Racist
Chris Buttars may well be a racist. I don't know. I do know that I've never heard him say anything racist. And I know that the press had to lie to make him seem racist. That makes me think he's not.

If he were they could have reported exactly what he said and let me draw my own conclusion. Because they had to lie and insult my intelligence, I'm guessing he's not.

But let's say he is. Let's say he is and I just don't know it (i.e., I fall on the stupid side of the S-E Continuum). Someone who does know he is will dig in his heels and attack me for attacking him. Then I'll attack him back for attacking me for defending Buttars.

See how that works? If he really is a racist their lying to me created an opponent to the correct point of view.

That's how polarization happens. Just so you know.

Trig Palin
Since the MSM (including David Gregory—the man with not one, but two blasé names) has informed us that a candidate should not be taken seriously if they have family with unconventional names, I just have this to say:


Glass Houses
I know, I know. You already know that the MSM is a wholly owned subsidiary of the DNC. It just astonishes me how absolutely consistent they are. Every time—every single time—they throw a stone it's about something where they have a huge vulnerability. It's just fascinating that they have the gall to continue doing it.

Here's a prime example. Letterman leads the charge to convince us that ideas from anyone who isn't at their optimum weight (Rush) is not allowed to express an opinion.

Uh, hello? Rosie O'Donnell? Michael Moore-on?


The quintessential example is the way they have no ideas that can't be stated in a chant by hired hippies. Then they have the gall to say, well, our problem is that our ideas are too complex to be stated on a bumper sticker.

What? You don't have a single idea that doesn't fit on a bumper sticker.

But the reason they do it has to be the same reason wastes of skin keep sending the Nigerian scam—it must work with some (weak-minded) people.

Quote of the day
It's something in liberals' DNA: They think they can pass a law eliminating guns and nuclear weapons, but teenagers having sex is completely beyond our control.

Ann Coulter in her latest column. Read it. Just do it.

Dangerously Naïve
So Dixie Chick Obama is going bring us a nuclear free world. Since this is the man who is "bringing science back" maybe he has some secret way to remove technological knowledge from the planet. Other than that, I don't know how he's going to get the toothpaste back in that tube. Oh, I have no doubt he can get rid of all our nukes. But I'm curious how he'll get rid of the ones the bad guys have without hurting their feelings—a line he's not willing to cross.

Obama is a piece of crap. Can we just agree on that? Can we?

If you didn't know that before you had to have clued in when he started bashing America on foreign soil. I can't say he broke the 200 year old rule about politics ending at the water's edge. that was smashed by Bill Clinton (pardon my language) who denigrated America on his trips abroad.

I just have a hard time with his "Us and them" attitude when he talks to others about America. As Laura Ingraham pointed out, true arrogance is his thinking he can solve the world's problems with the force of his personality.

Let's Talk Race
In front of a friend I called Obama a Halfrican. She told me that was "ugly." I violated my own rule by not making her explain specifically why it was "ugly." Instead I explained to her what it meant.

That disgusting criminal waste of skin Holder, who Obama picked for his AG, says we don't talk enough about race. Well, let's talk about race. Just be forewarned that I refuse say what liberals want me to say to keep them from shooting me with the one arrow they have in their quiver; "Racist!"

I have a (liberal) friend who pointed out that Obama is African-American

You figured that out all by yourself?

"No, his dad was born in Africa . . . ."


"And his mom is a white American . . ."


"So his ancestors weren't . . . "

Slaves! Oh, I get it.

Obama has no heritage in the American slavery that he was installed to prove we've overcome. He is the OJ Simpson of politics.

They "black community" heralded the OJ acquittal as the downtrodden black man finally winning one over The Man. Oh, bullcrap. That wasn't a black guy getting away with murder, that was a rich celebrity getting away with murder.

Obama doesn't represent the average black guy anymore than Donald Trump represents the average white guy with bad hair.

The Conscience Clause
Okay, let's just start here: You're watching the evening news. Your kids are in the room. Let's say they're pre-teens—old enough to understand some things but not yet fully versed in the level of chatter that goes on in a high school locker room.

The news story is stuff you hear all the time so it doesn't strike you—until your child asks "Daddy, what's abortion?"

Run that exercise in your mind. How do you explain to an innocent child what we do to 4,000 children every day in this country?

But you don't read much about abortion on this blog. That's 'cause I'm a conservative. To me it's not a political issue. To me taxes and foreign policy and gun laws and crime and government intervention in private enterprise are political issues. When you say "Let's talk about politics" the issue of abortion doesn’t pop into my head.

Contrast that with the demorats, to whom the only criterion for selecting a judge is Roe v. Wade.

Time for a story. You know how this works. Stories have to have bad guys. If you have a Harry Potter you have to have a Malfoy. I'm your Harry Potter. I'm the one who's noble and virtuous and supportive of the right point of view. Where's the adversary for me to vanquish?

So here at Leany.com we have invented a completely fabricated, not based on anybody real, archetypal representative of a standard issue liberal that has drunk the Kool-Aid. I just call him 'Joe.'

ADD Moment:

Here, in a nutshell, is why I cannot listen to Sean Hannity.

Someone calls in and asks "Why do you always talk about this 'drinking the Kool-Aid' stuff? What does that mean?"

So Hannity says, well, it means just that, that they've drunk the Kool-Aid, that they just follow the party line they just think what they're told to.

"No, but what is that, a metaphor? Is it a racial deal? Is it a slam on blacks?" (seriously, the caller said that)

No, it's not racial, it's just . . . look, all it means is just what it says. They've drunk the Kool-Aid. They've . . . it just means . . . look, it's . . . you're reading too much into this. It's just what it says. They've drunk the Kool-Aid. It just means they've bought into the party line. They don't think for themselves,

"But why Kool-Aid?"

Well, sure, they've drunk the Kook-Aid.

"But what does that even mean?"

It went on for two or three more minutes. Hannity didn't have a clue. I'm screaming at the radio. Jim Jones? Guyana?

Completely clueless.

So 'Joe' is my archetypal Kool-Aid drinking liberal. 'Joe' is the one who figured out that Americans don't like Hillary because she's a woman. He's the one who figured out that the only reason a person would not vote for Obama is because that voter's a racist.

As our story opens 'Joe' is telling me that the only reasons Mormons aren't all democrats is because of abortion.

I wonder if maybe it doesn't have something to do with Mormons' zeal for Free Agency.

"No. No. Abortion. That's it."

Well, that's interesting, because I know a lot of Mormons and a lot of conservatives, and I'd have to say the LDS culture fits pretty well into the self-sufficiency and rugged individualism of the conservative culture. Abortion—sure, Mormons are disturbed by it, just like any moral person would be, but . . .

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Moral? Are you saying that anyone who supports abortion is immoral?"

I'm listening, 'Joe.' Go ahead and defend the virtues of sucking a live fetus into a sink.

"Well, first of all, no one know when life begins."

I do. Life begins at conception. That's not above my pay grade.

"You don't know that. How arrogant is that to presume . . . Look, look, all that aside . . . nobody has the right to tell a woman what she can do with her body."

What about the baby's body? Does it have a right to choose?

"Aaaaaw! See? See? See what a big issue it is to you? See how riled up you get? You've just proved my point."

Oh, did I bring it up?

So 'Joe' tells me that his wife let slip in a Sunday School class that she was voting for Obama. Someone leaned over to her and said "You know he's for abortion, right?"

Well, I mean, that was just one off-hand comment.

"No, that's what they think. That's the way they see us. Everyone in the ward thinks we're abortionists."

So I allow that well, that's not right. People shouldn't treat you that way.

"Well, that's what they think. We're the abortionists in the ward because we voted for Obama."

Oh, now see, that's not right. They know better than to think you support that part of the platform. Besides really that's never been a major element of what defines Obama.

"All I'm saying is that's the way they see it."

Well, they're wrong. They should know better. They shouldn't treat you that way. That's just . . . people are so close-minded.

Did you see that? 'Joe' just got me to sympathize with his position. He just subtly maneuvered me into a position where talking about democrats' support of abortion is out of bounds.

And just in time. Now Obama is eliminating the Conscience Clause. This isn't a law he's proposing. This is something he himself is enacting with the stroke of a pen. If you are a medical provider and you have ethical objections to abortion, you can't choose to not participate.

Maybe freedom of choice isn't such a important thing to the demorats after all.

So Obama is proving the colors that we saw during the campaign. He's making a radical move that even most pro-Abortion people don't support.

And 'Joe' has put himself in a bubble where I can't even bring it up.

Is this Important?
As you know, on his latest Obamania World Tour, Dixie Chick Obama bowed to the king of Saudi Arabia. Now I was thinking that's not a good thing. It seems to me that the Leader of the Free World should not bow down to any foreign monarchs. But I don't really know. Is it a big deal?

As it turns out, it is. I got confirmation that it is from the White House itself. Just like with Obama's association with terrorist Bill Ayers, they think that bowing to a foreign monarch is a very bad thing. It's such a bad thing that they have to lie about it.

A reporter in a press briefing (and I sincerely apologize to for linking to the Huffington Post) asked if he had bowed (which the video clearly shows he did) and Obama's spokesman said, oh, no, he was just bending down to shake his hand.

Then, following the same pattern they established with the issue of Obama's terrorist friend Ayers, he said "Wasn't that, like, a week ago?" Translation: You are not allowed to talk about this anymore.

Thus Proving . . .
That's 'Joe's' "democratic" party for you. Here's our version of the story, now shut the #$@^ up.

Maybe 'Joe' was basing his view on that Republican lady that busted into the democrats' convention to disrupt the speech of the VP candidate. That pretty much shows you're not in favor of hearing other viewpoints if you have to shout them down when it's their turn to . . . wait a minute . . . that was the democrat convention that happened at, right?

Hmmm. Well, never mind.

Wait! Wait! I have another one
I cited this as a perfect example of Republican wussiness: The Republican reaction to the press's beating them up in the wake of the Clinton administration's trashing of the White House.

Here's another good one.

Obama is getting rid of Republican US Attorneys.

That's cool. That's his right. Just like it was his right to ban reporters from his campaign jet that worked for newspapers that endorsed his opponent. ('Joe'? Where are you? What was that about democrats accepting all viewpoints?)

But when Bush replaced nine US Attorneys the press freaked out. It's emblematic of his greatest weakness that he didn't ask "Where were you guys when Clinton fired all 93 of them? Yeah? Hey, did I ever show you my hurt finger?"

Kudos to Obama
No, don't run away. You're on the right blog. For eight years I wanted to say something nice about Clinton (pardon my language). I really wanted to prove that I was capable of giving the devil his due when he deserved it. I was eager to give him any little praise I could to prove that I wasn't just a rabid partisan.

But Clinton never did anything to dispel the notion that he was a complete waste of protoplasm. The closest he got was removing the intentional error from civilian GPSs.

But I can give credit to Obama for something substantive (for you Obama supporters: "Substantive" means other than he's good looking and his wife has nice arms—not that those things aren't adequate reason to elect him, you understand).

So here it goes. On his G20 tour someone asked him something about what he was going to do to look out for the interests of other nations. He shocked me (which I'm sure was his whole purpose) by saying that he was elected to protect the interests of the United States. Seriously. Good for him. I would have lost that bet. Good for him.

Then he said something about the Free Market being the most effective way of creating wealth and distributing resources that there's ever been in history.

Good for him. Good for him. I have to give him credit—in fact, maybe I'll give him back the credit I took away when he proclaimed during the election that Capitalism doesn't work.

Well, bask in that light while it lasts. Because he finished the sentence about capitalism with "sometimes it goes off the rails," meaning that government has to regulate the economy, not the Free Market.

Newsweek Makes a Porno
You've probably heard about a movie called "Zach and Miri make a Porno." Here's my guess: I'm betting that the movie isn't as appalling as the in-your-face title suggests. It can't be. It's gotta' be some kind of marketing tactic to get your attention.

That's what I thought when I saw the Newsweek cover proclaim "We are all socialists now." Just sensationalism. Got to be.

So I read the article.

It was basically what the title said. Sure, we see the European economic model as the ideal. We're socialists. Get used to it.

I am definitely not going to watch Zach and Miri.

He Who Cannot be Named
It's bizarre. In the first Harry Potter book you figured everybody hated Voldemort. As you read more books you suspected that some people might lean toward allegiance to that evil being. But the last thing anybody would do was to admit it. Then people started to not care that others knew they were Voldemort supporters. Finally, they came out in open support of him against those who opposed evil.

That's socialism. It's regressed from being an invective to the point where we are now: "Sure, I'm a socialist. We all are."

'Joe' Defends Lord Voldobama
Apparently 'Joe' had already read the article before I came across it in the lunch room..

He came into my office. "I've been thinking . . . I need to explain something to you. But first . . . here, let me start with this. What's your definition of socialism?

Well, I'd say it's centralized control of . . ."
"No, no. Take your time, formulate it."
Okay, it's when some centralized structure, namely government, runs things instead of private individuals.
"See, you can't even . . . all you know is that it's bad, but you can't even define it."
No, I am defining it. It's when a central entity has control instead of private individuals. Which isn't always bad, like in the case of roads or public swimming pools . . .
"See, now you're backpedalling."
Oh? How am I backpedalling?
"Just take your time. Let me know when you have a definition."

So I thought about it and, without any consultation with Uncle Google, I formulated my definition.

Socialism: Centralized economic control, ie, the antithesis of Capitalism. Kind of Keynesian economics taken to the extreme. Instead of letting markets set production levels and prices, some other body (government) does it, like my old pal Richard Milhaus did.
I sent it to 'Joe' then I waited. After a couple of days I e-mailed him again, telling him I was still waiting for the defense of socialism that he'd promised me.

Finally I gave up and went to his office.

'Joe' said we haven't been a capitalist nation since Teddy Rossevelt busted the trusts.

As it turns out 'Joe' had watched some deal where Bernanke had described economic cycles of boom and bust. He saw that as the final evidence that the government has to control the economy.

That's it? That your big defense of socialism?

Here's the odd thing. If we'd listened to Adam Smith and let the cycles run we wouldn't be in this mess. Government control is what got us into this in the first place.

Good capitalists don't give loans to people who can't pay them back. That happened because of Carter's Community Reinvestment Act and Bill Clinton (and Barney Frank and Chris Dodd and the young ACORN lawyer Barack Obama) pressuring them to do that.

That's it. The government that's screaming about lack of regulation is the same one that caused this mess by their intervention.

Let's Make this Simple
Two classes of people populate this planet. The first is those who don't believe that government is evil. The second group is composed of anyone who's ever filled out a form 1040.

Grammar 101
But 'Joe' wasn't finished. He wanted to explain some other things he'd figured out.

(And I've transcribed this into individual full sentences. All of these sentences on both sides were spoken right on top of each other.)

"How can you use the word fascism to describe the Democratic party, I mean . . . no, no, hear me out . . . when fascism means a narrowness of views and that's a Republican trademark? No, it is, it's Republicans 'cause the democratic party is all about different views."

I think I can help you out there, Joe. I can clear this whole thing up for you in short order. All we need to do is look at one word. That word "democratic" is a misnomer. The democrat party is anything but democratic.

"No, that word . . . that . . . what you're saying . . . that's a Rush Limbaugh trick."

It's not a trick. It's grammar. 'Democratic' is an adjective and it doesn't describe the democrat party.

"No, it's the democratic party."

But there's nothing democratic about it. Are you telling me that Hillary is in favor of a diversity of views? Are you telling me that Obama welcomes Joe the Plumber expressing his opinion?

Then he came back with that old debate buster: "Aaaaw!"

'Joe' Continues
So 'Joe' is trying to convince me that both sides have made mistakes in this mess.

So I tell him, You know, it's weird. Whenever the 'Plenty of blame to go around' explanation is used you can be pretty sure demorats are at fault. When a Republican can be pulled into it, they're not nearly so generous. It's proof that conservatives are evil.

Here's how this works—'Joe's' position was reasonable. It's true. But there's no way I'm going to concede, not one inch. That's because I've seen in the past how any gesture of cooperation is used against us. See! You admitted that Republicans are the ones to blame!

The demorats posit a middle position, we move there, they stay. The middle's now moved into their side and the process is repeated.

It's pretty sad when to maintain balance you have to hang yourself out on the extreme edge.

A Blog Described
You know what a blog is? A blog is my Rainman's Serious Injury List. You remember. "1988: Charlie Babbitt squeezed and pulled and hurt my neck."

Every time I talk to 'Joe' I have to pull out my blog and write it down. "2009: 'Joe' used the 'They're all the same' gambit and hurt my feelings."

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