Everyone needs a regular routine for printing off the
latest column to read over lunch. In the interest of helping you
occupy the internet connection your boss provides, here are my
suggestions for how to use your time until the lazy writer of this darn
blog posts something.
Daily News
Of course, every day you need to read the news. I recommend
The Nose on Your Face, news so fake you'd swear it came from the Mainstream Media.
HT to Sid for the link.
Monday: Michelle Malkin
Michelle Malkin is a great conservative
bastion and very smart lady. You loved her book "Unhinged" and you can
read her columns here.
Or you can use Monday to catch up on
Dilbert.
Tuesday: Dave Barry's Column
Dave Barry is often imitated but never duplicated (and believe me, I've tried).
If you want something more political for Tuesday just go to
Jewish World Review to
read some good stuff.
Wednesday: Daryl
Cagle's Index of Political Cartoons
About half of these cartoonists are liberal
(Latin for wrong) but the art is usually good.
(Fantastic, if you're used to the quality of art on this site.)
Or you can read
George
Will's columns for someone who's both talented and intelligent.
Thursday: Ann
Coulter
Ann posts her new column every Thursday. You'll find that there are two sides to every
issue: Ann's side and the wrong side. You can also browse Ann's past columns
(saves you the price of her new book).
Friday: Charles Krauthammer
Krauthammer posts every Friday. Just a good, smart conservative columnist.
If you want someone who gets it just as right, but is easier to read, try
Thomas Sowell. He just posts at random times.
Or just follow the links above and below this section (you can't have read all my archived articles
already). If you have read all my articles (you need to get out more) go to my
I'm Not Falling For It section.
Above all, try to stay calm. Eventually I may post something
again.
Just doing some housekeeping posting some of the stuff I've been meaning to post for some time. Still don't
have my rant completed on the tempest over Miss California. The more time that goes by the more I think "Who
gives a flying crap what those people think?"
THE PLAN
A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men.
B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
C. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.
D. In three generations, there will be no Democrats.
- I love it when a plan comes together
Fair and Balanced
Because that's just the kind of guy I am, I thought I'd be fair and post this hilarious open letter
to "Bible Thumpers." Young Master Jim wrote it in response to
Dr. Laura Schlessinger, who said that homosexuality is an abomination according
to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstances.
Dear Dr.Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from
your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific
laws and how to follow them.
1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9.
The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with any woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness
(Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased
from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can
you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put
to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to
admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though
this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play
football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole
town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we
do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding
us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Here's an
interesting report showing that
9 out of 10 temperature measuring stations are giving inaccurate readings.
American Capitalism Gone with a Whimper
This was news something
like last month some time.
(use this link
if that other link is broken.)
Some Russian guy was giving his opinion on how we are dashing into the same insanity that they were able to escape
from. Some excerpts:
It must be said, that like the breaking of a great dam, the American descent into Marxism is happening
with breathtaking speed . . .
First, the population was dumbed down through a politicized and substandard education system based on pop culture,
rather then the classics.
The final collapse has come with the election of Barack Obama. His speed in the past
three months has been truly impressive. His spending and money printing has been a record setting, not just in
America's short history but in the world. If this keeps up for more then another year, and there is no sign
that it will not, America at best will resemble the Wiemar Republic and at worst Zimbabwe.
So it should be no surprise, that the American president has followed this up with a “bold” move of declaring that
he and another group of unelected, chosen stooges will now redesign the entire automotive industry and will
even be the guarantee of automobile policies.
Prime Minister Putin, less then two months ago, warned Obama and UK’s Blair, not to follow the path to Marxism,
it only leads to disaster. Apparently, even though we suffered 70 years of this Western sponsored horror show,
we know nothing, as foolish, drunken Russians, so let our “wise” Anglo-Saxon fools find out the folly of their
own pride.
So, should it be any surprise to discover that the Democratically controlled Congress of America is
working on passing a new regulation that would give the American Treasury department the power to set
“fair” maximum salaries, evaluate performance and control how private companies give out pay raises and bonuses?
You remember this point in reading Ayn Rand's book. You almost put it down. You said "Oh, come on! I
know this is fiction, but honestly, Ms. Rand, don't you think this is a bit over the top?
As I say, there are two kinds of people in America right now: those who are storing massive amounts of food
and ammo, and those who have not read Atlas Shrugged.
The proud American will go down into his slavery without a fight, beating his chest and proclaiming to the world,
how free he really is. The world will only snicker.
Barak Obama was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water.
Obama was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland.'
Barak said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special airplane.'
The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes.
'
Barak said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!'
The third kid said, 'I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!'
Barak was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.'
The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!'
100 MILLION DOLLARS!
Explain to me again . . .
What did the stimulus accomplish?
Correction
6/20/09
Here at Leany on Life we pride ourselves on the accuracy of our reporting. Even with the rigorous safeguards we
employ to ensure precision in our material, the occasional error can creep in. We strive to correct such errors
the instant we become aware of them. That's how we protect the sacred credibility which is the hallmark of the internet.
Back in April I reported on the Utah state tax "improvement" that required you to fill out a completely different
form instead of sending in the W2 you already had printed out. I said it was the stupidest thing I had ever seen.
As it turns out, that is not true.
The stupidest thing I ever saw was when Obama supporters said that Jesus was a "community organizer."
Management apologizes for any inconvenience this error might have caused.
Arrogant Moron Run-offs
It's too close to call in this week's "Get Over Yourself Already" finals. I'll let you pick a winner for yourself.
Maybe you heard about
that old bitty
Liz who works for McDerMutt who got her tidy whities in a knot because someone said "Hey, Liz," to her in
an e-mail. Nineteen(!) e-mails went back and forth with her berating the person for using the word "Liz."
Some of the comments on that link are hilarious. Stuff like "Big surprise. The worst member of
Congress has a mad dog secretary."
Not to be outdone, Barbara Boxer (Moron, California) told
General Walsh not
to call her ma'am, because she had worked hard for the title of Senator.
As key member of the Blogosphere I have access to certain high-level e-mails, like this exchange between
Liz "Why Would I Buy Bathroom Deodorizer?" Becton and Barbara "the Blowhard" Boxer. I have posted them here for your enlightenment,
because that's just the kind of guy that I am.
From: Becton, Elizabeth Sent: Friday, June 19, 2009 To: Boxer, Barbara Subject: "Caucus" Meeting on Thursday
Good morning, Ma'am,
Congressman McDermutt asked me to contact you regarding the secret March to Socialism strategy meeting on Thursday.
Will you be able to attend?
Elizabeth Becton
Executive Assistant/Office Manager
Office of Congressman Jim McDermutt
From: SENATOR Boxer Sent: Friday, June 19, 2009 To: Becton, Elizabeth Subject: RE: "Caucus" Meeting on Thursday
Hey, Liz,
Do me a favor. Could you say senator instead of ma'am? It's just a thing.
I worked so hard to get that title.
Yes, thank you.
Barbara Boxer Senator (D)
From: Becton, Elizabeth Sent: Friday, June 19, 2009 To: Boxer, Barbara Subject: RE: "Caucus" Meeting on Thursday
Who is Liz? Who told you to call me Liz? I WANT NAMES.
I hate that nickname! I hate it! Just because my boss is a piece of crap doesn't mean I have to take that kind of disrespect.
Don't you EVER call me "Liz," Ma'am. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?
ELIZABETH Becton Executive Assistant/Office Manager
Office of Congressman Jim McDermutt
From: SENATOR Boxer Sent: Friday, June 19, 2009 To: LIZ Becton Subject: RE: "Caucus" Meeting on Thursday
Oh? What would you like me to call you?
Would you prefer I call you "for a good time?" That's what's associated with your name
on the bathroom walls here in the Dirksen building.
Maybe if you ever work for a SENATOR you'll get some respect.
No matter what anyone calls you, you'll always be the Mutt's Lap Dog to me.
You dike.
SENATOR Barbara Boxer
United States Senator
United States Senate
Dirksen SENATE Office Building
Senateville, USA
From: Becton, Elizabeth Sent: Friday, June 19, 2009 To: Ma'am Boxer Ma'am Ma'am Subject: RE: "Caucus" Meeting on Thursday
Barbara, you ignorant slut.
ELIZABETH Becton Executive Assistant/Office Manager
Office of Congressman Jim McDermutt
From: SENATOR Boxer Sent: Friday, June 19, 2009 To: LIZ Becton Subject: RE: "Caucus" Meeting on Thursday
Hey, Liz. Bite me.
SENATOR Barbara Boxer
Supreme Ruler of the Known Universe
Letterman Apologizes
6/16/09
Letterman took responsibility for his comments about Sarah Palin and her kid and issued an
apology on his show. He did it with class and sincerity.
As one newscaster put it "Our long national crisis is finally over."
Off-limits Characteristics
6/14/09
A few years ago I was at lunch with some friends and talking about stupid things
we had done in college. One of my friends said he once drove by an overweight girl who was jogging and
yelled "Eat a salad!"
Picture the scene and tell me you're not as horrified as I was. I had to comment. I know,
it had happened a long time ago, the girl probably hadn't even heard, and he figured he was
telling the story to fun-loving guys . . . but I had to say something. I said that it was pretty
crass to yell at someone, especially while she was exercising and he was in a car. My friend agreed
and we are still friends, but what I'm trying to convey is how appalled I felt. Part of the shock is
just the tackiness of yelling at someone from a moving car. But everyone agrees it's pretty childish
to poke fun at someone for their weight.
Well, apparently not everyone. David Letterman, for example. I haven't watched him in some time,
but the last time I watched (coincidentally, just before I switched away from his show for the last time)
he was making yet another senseless joke about Rush Limbaugh's weight.
Now Letterman doesn't care that Limbaugh, who has exactly the same build as Jack Nicholson, is
carrying a few extra pounds. That's not what he dislikes about him. If he cared about people's
weight he'd make fun of Rosie O'Donnell, whose photo ID is an aerial photograph, or Michael
Moore-on, who could be diagnosed with flesh-eating bacteria and still have 13 years left to live.
What Letterman hates about Limbaugh is his worldview. Since he can't find flaws in Limbaugh's
ideology (and what's left of his audience thinks "worldview" is an X-Box game) Rush's weight is
completely within bounds. It doesn't even have to be funny. "Did you hear about the earthquake
today in Somalia? I didn't know Rush Limbaugh was visiting Somalia," then he makes a funny face
and the audience gives its Pavlovian response.
So if someone has a viewpoint you disagree with, their appearance is not off limits.
I'm glad to hear that. Because you know the difference between Barbra Streisand's nose
and the Washington Monument? People want to see the Washington Monument. And then there's
Al Franken, who has teeth that would cause a beaver to see an orthodontist.
Do you really want to go there? I'm a member of the party of Sarah Palin, Bo Derek,
Elizabeth Hasselwhatsername, Magnum PI . . . You've got Helen Thomas, Hillary, Barney Franks,
James Carville, granola crunchers who wouldn't recognize a bra if they saw one . . .
So help me understand. If you dislike a man's views on politics it's fair game to stir up
antagonism toward him joking about his personal characteristics. Cool. Hey, did you hear the
one about the colored fella' that ran for president?
Why did you cringe reading that as much as I did writing it? Are you saying there are limits
on the jokes you can make about someone if you don't like his politics? If Limbaugh's weight is
funny because he's a conservative, doesn't Obama's radical leftist anti-American viewpoint make
his race fair game?
It is different, and I can tell you how. Being overweight is considered undesirable and it can
be brought about through your own choices. But think about it. If you're going to discard your
sacred political correctness for cheap political digs, where do you draw the line?
Certainly not at racial jokes, because Condoleeza Rice was the object of horrific racial slurs
from the left.
If you can't say something nice . . .
Okay, you know the rules. When I say bad things about liberals I have to come up with something
good to say.
So here it goes: I like that liberals believe in mainstream names. I like that they don't go for
funky names like Trig and Willow, things like Sarah Palin named her kids. I'll give
them credit for that. I'll give credit to the party that elected Barack Hussein Obama to
go to the White House with his daughters Sasha and Malia. Kudos for bashing Palin because
she likes alternative names.
In a completely unrelated story, democrat comes from the Greek word demo meaning
"hypo" and crat meaning "crite."
Full Indemnity
You know the deal about ideologues and pragmatists. I can't find the article, but I think it
was by Krauthammer, that talked about how he could never vote for Hillary but he could support
her for president over Obama because she was a pragmatist. That is, she would do what's best for
herself politically which would often be what's good for the country (voice of the people and all).
But Obama is an ideologue who will carry out his agenda no matter how bad the voters hate it.
But this time he can have it both ways—he has no liability for being radical.
We have a bizarre situation where the most radical leftist ever to be elected President can do
whatever he wants with absolutely zero political blowback. It's the Perfect Storm. The democratic
safeguard of bowing to the will of the majority has been magically removed.
And the honeymoon period is going to last indefinitely.
There are plenty of mindless morons in this country who will never look at what's happening.
They are happy to follow the Chosen One, no matter what. But the thinking ones find themselves in a
conundrum that's
closing in on them.
For a while they could say "Well, maybe I was wrong." Then for awhile they could have said "I guess
I was wrong about vilifying you for suggesting I might have been wrong when I said I wasn't wrong
about being wrong."
But now what could they say? "I guess I was wrong about not being wrong when I tried to destroy
you for suggesting that I was wrong when I said I wasn't wrong for holding out when I found out
I was wrong about not being wrong . . . "
Two words: Not gonna' happen (Biden math). The left will never acknowledge what a horrible
mistake they made with this guy.
Just get under the bus, Gus.
The irony is, the left would be following the example of their infallible leader if they dumped
him to save themselves.
When the world discovered that Obama's mentor was a raving lunatic, Obama gave a big speech supporting
Wright and drawing a moral equivalence to his own grandmother, who he called a racist—a typical white
person.
For a month everything was great. Chris Matthews's leg was tingling and Wright was keeping himself within
the bounds of the plantation that Obama had set for him.
Then on
April
28th Wright broke his silence, saying "We both know that if Senator Obama did not say what he said he would never get
elected. Politicians say what they say and do what they do based on electability, based on sound bites,
based on polls . . . He does what politicians do."
The very next day Obama summarily dumped him, saying he never had any idea that Wright's views were so
radical.
Just in case you didn't know Letterman's a piece of crap . . .
I'm a slacker. I see things happening and bang out some notes about it and sometimes they get posted right
away and sometimes not. I still have notes about that Russian article about American capitalism dying with
a whimper and the free speech Gestapo dealing with Miss California.
What I'm saying, in my highly efficient style, is that I wrote out the above post about Letterman before
any of
Letterman's
crass jokes about Sarah Palin took place.
Some hightlights:
Letterman’s “Top 10” list Tuesday night focused on Palin’s recent trip to New York, and included
several cracks: "Bought makeup from Bloomingdale's to update her 'slutty flight attendant' look,"
Letterman said.
But it was a line in Letterman’s monologue that set off a firestorm: "One awkward moment for Sarah
Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez."
Palin was in New York with her 14-year-old daughter, Willow.
Sarah Palin responded:
Concerning Letterman's comments about my young daughter (and I doubt he'd ever dare make such comments
about anyone else's daughter): Laughter incited by sexually-perverted comments made by a 62-year-old
male celebrity aimed at a 14-year-old girl is not only disgusting, but it reminds us some Hollywood/NY
entertainers have a long way to go in understanding what the rest of America understands - that
acceptance of inappropriate sexual comments about an underage girl, who could be anyone's daughter,
contributes to the atrociously high rate of sexual exploitation of minors by older men who use and
abuse others.
Then
Letterman
said it was all cool, because his joke was aimed at Bristol Palin, who is 18 years
old (because, as everyone knows, sexual exploitation of an 18-year old is perfectly fine).
Letterman also invited Sarah Palin to come on his show.
Palin spokesperson Meghan Stapelton said that the Palins had no intention of boosting Letterman's
ratings by appearing on the show. "Plus, it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman."
LOL
Self-fulfilling Prophecies
6/14/09
Let's say you're a scumbag. You're walking along the sidewalk and find a credit card. You could use
this card to buy stuff . . . if only you had the signature. Crap, crap, crap! All that's standing
between you and stealing lots of money from a stranger is one little signature. If only you knew
somewhere you could find that signature.
You wonder . . . but no, it couldn't be that simple. That would be just stupid. But just in case,
you turn the card over and check. Oh for heavens' sake. Lookee there! Right there on the back of
the card is the very thing you need to use the card.
Okay, now you're not a scumbag. You're a regular schmo with a credit card. You don't sign your card.
That would be stupid. You put "Ask for Photo ID" on the back.
One day I was at the Post Office and had just signed the credit card invoice. The clerk turned my
card over and said "You have to sign your card." I held out my driver's license to him and said that
no, he had to check my photo ID. He said that the official policy was that the card had to be signed.
I said my policy was to not give crooks access to my card. He said if my card wasn't signed he couldn't
give me my stamps. Fine. I signed the card.
The diligent clerk compared the signature I had just placed on my card to the signature I had just
placed on the invoice. Would you believe it? They matched!
I have to conclude that the idiot clerk was a liberal.
You see, liberals scream to the world how evil America is. They say we are trying to take over the
world. They say we torture prisoners. As evidence they present some childish photos of naked terrorists
taken by three out-of-control prison guards acting in direct contradiction to US policy. They say we
deserved what we got on 9/11. They say that Bush and Cheney are worse than Hitler. They tell the whole
word we are arrogant and imperialistic and domineering and barbaric and that we don't respect the
rights of women and that we are not to be trusted.
Then the liberals talk about how the whole world hates us.
Gee, I wonder where the whole world got that idea?
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned
It's been . . . I don't know, forever since my last confession. I kissed Louise Baca on the cheek
in the fourth grade. I entertained inappropriate thoughts about Eva Mendez and a can of
whipped cream and I broke that drinking glass on the counter and swept it up before the
wife could find out.
Let's see, anything else? It's seems like I had committed another sin. Hmm . . . oh, yeah. I remember.
I've never been able to muster the amount of outrage about Abu Ghirab that the Holy New York Times
commanded me to.
No, I've carried that guilt with me for a long time. Forgive me, Father, I tried. I really tried. I
really wanted to be horrified and outraged. I figured I was missing something.
The media were so outraged. It had to be the worst thing anyone had ever done to anyone else. I was
just too dense to see it. That had to be it. The media were getting more worked up about sexual
exploitation of terrorists by the lowest ranking flunkies in the US Military than they had about
sexual exploitation of interns by the Commander in Chief of the US Military.
Forgive me, Father, it seemed like a silly frat house prank to me.
But it seemed like the incident, which the military had been investigating months before the media
learned about it, didn't do nearly as much damage as broadcasting to the world that we were evil
torturers who had no respect for anyone in the world. It seemed like the damage happened from the way
the press catered to every lying enemy of America who fabricated stories about how evil we were.
I understand, I get it. The peace-loving Muslims have cultural norms about nudity. Their religion is
so strict about that they stone girls to death if they get raped. I get it. It's part of their culture.
Nudity: bad. I've learned that much from the media reports.
I just have to hope that they'll get that story wrapped up soon and can investigate some of our quaint
little cultural mores—like the way we take offense at being burned alive in skyscrapers that have been
hit by hijacked airliners.
Oh, wait! I do have one more sin.
I referenced 9/11.
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
Is there any absolution for me on that one, or am I doomed to burn in Hell with
Hitler and Dick Cheney?
The Family Guy "Struggles"
I . . . uh, you . . . you know, I, uh, there have been . . . uh, uh, er, is that the air conditioner?
Let's Play a Game
6/02/09
Hey, kids! It's time for your favorite feature, the weekly installment of "You get to play President."
You know how this works. You get to pretend like you are the Community Organizer in Chief by choosing
how to respond to various completely hypothetical situations.
Ready? Let's start.
1. An abortionist who performs partial birth abortions is murdered. Do you . . .
a. Instruct your justice department to provide more protection for abortionists
b. Issue a dire warning about listening to talk radio and its forbidden ideologies
c. Work over the weekend to issue a statement condemning the killing
d. Draft a statement in support of Gay Lesbian Bi-sexual and Transgender month
e. All of the above
2. A Muslim extremist shoots two US soldiers outside a recruiting station in Little Rock. One of them is killed. The shooter is a recent convert to Islam who frequents left-wing blogs that spout hate speech toward America. Do you . . .
a. Instruct your justice department to provide more protection for US military personnel
b. Issue a dire warning about subscribing to radical ideologies such as Islam
c. Issue a statement condemning the killing
d. Allow the issue to divert you from pandering to your splinter groups
e. None of the above
3. The difference between murdering abortionists and murdering soldiers is . . .
a. Private ownership of guns caused them both
b. They are both heinous crimes
c. Radical Ideologies are behind one but not the other
d. There is no difference
e. They are both Bush's fault (Dick Cheney is the most evil man in history—don't ask me for specifics, he just is)
f. The soldiers had it coming
g. Answer a, c, f, and definitely e, but not d (and sometimes y)
h. Michelle and I are going to New York on a date
Remember there are no wrong answers—as long as you agree with me and don't listen to dissenting views
like talk radio. So, if you answered 'e' to all the questions you can be a real American and not a
hatemonger who harbors forbidden views like those intolerant scumbags who answered something other
than 'e' to any of the questions (except the last one where judges would have accepted anything
but b or d—not to imply that we don't support B&D, because that's our voting base and we're nothing
if not tolerant of that sort of thing).
