Application for admission the Vast Right-wing Conspiracy

The successful applicant for the job of Vast Right-wing Conspirator will be able to read and write, will be able to distinguish the difference between having sex and ministering to a confused young girl, and may even have values and morals. If you own a radio you may be a member of the VRWC. If you vote you may be a member of the VRWC. If you read a newspaper you may be a member of the VRWC. Having voted for or supported Bill Clinton in the past does not disqualify you from being a member of the VRWC. Working for the Washington Post or NY times doesn't disqualify you from being a member of the VRWC. Working for NPR or PBS does not disqualify you from being a member of the VRWC. Depending on Hillary's state of mind on any given day your name may be Geraldo Rivera, Lanny Davis, Paul Begala or Susan Thomases and you still may be plotting the overthrow of Bill Clinton. If your name happens to be Bill Clinton you are an honorary high priest in the VRWC; your actions have gone further toward overthrowing the Clinton administration than any conspiracy could possibly aspire.

Instructions: Click on the button next to the correct answer.

Basic information


Lanny Davis, Paul Begala, James Carville, Sidney Blumenthal, Bruce Lindsey, Geraldo Rivera, Barbra Streisand, or Larry Flynt
Depends on your definition of the word " name."



Lincoln bedroom (Own/Rent)
Watergate apartment (Own/Staying with Mom)
Out of the country to avoid testifying
"A place called Hope"


Scottish lawyer
Hollywood Celebrity
White House Intern
Fantastically successful novice investor in cattle futures (making 100:1 returns)
Militia organizer
Unemployed humanities major
Constitutional "scholar" advocate for the president (see above)

One of the jobs Clinton has created

Medical Examiner
Aircraft crash investigator
Investigative journalist
Special prosecutor
Conservative talk show host
TV pundit
15-minutes of fame club member

White House lawyer
Journeyman paper shredder
Private investigator digging up dirt on president's former conquests

Nature of your relationship with the president:

My story is public and I have evidence hidden in an undisclosed location
My story is public but I have no secret evidence
My story is not public

If your story is public and you have evidence hidden in an undisclosed location

Please indicate job preference
Revlon employee
Employee of an ambassador
Friend of Nathan Landow
Highly paid "consultant" for Lippo group
Other government job
If your story is public but you have no secret evidence

Please indicate method you'd prefer being trashed by
General trailer-trash defamation method
IRS audit
Being buried under legal fees after being investigated by FBI
Knees broken while jogging
Portrayed as a stalker (must come from a broken home)
Dirt from your FBI file
If your story is not yet public

Please indicate method of death you prefer
Plane crash
Accidentally falling asleep on railroad tracks
Full-on gangland-style shooting
Heart attack in prison
"Botched robbery" at Starbucks
Single-car accident without witnesses
Does Craig Livingstone have your FBI file?  Yes   No

Threshold Intelligence and Competency

Which of the following statements seems logical to you?
A woman can have consensual sex with a man without him having sex with her.
A draft dodger probably should not be Commander-in-Chief of US armed forces
People routinely smoke dope without inhaling
US Presidents routinely spend time and energy finding jobs for young interns

Ken Starr is:
The devil incarnate
A member of the Vast Right-wing Conspiracy
An independent counsel appointed under a statute that Clinton signed
Trying to overturn the results of two national elections

Monica Lewinsky was:
Stalking the president
A confused young girl who needed counsel from the president
Only coming to visit her close personal friend Betty Currie
One of many women Bill Clinton banged in the oval office

Lying under oath about a material fact is:
Okay if it's about sex
Not an impeachable offense
To be expected from a male

How many times can you say "Clinton's is the most ethical administration in history" without laughing?
I'm laughing just reading it
One or two
Less than five
More than five

Bill Clinton's behavior was:

Reprehensible and indefensible
Juvenile and characteristic of the childishness of this administration
Pretty much what you'd expect if you've been paying attention
Wrong but does not rise to the level of impeachable offenses

Return to the VRWC lobby

Wrong answer!

Sorry, that answer was incorrect. Proceed with caution.

Click your browser's Back button to try again.

Which of the following statements sums up the Clintons' involvement in Whitewater:

They lost money
They stood to gain but had no capital at risk
They were not involved in day-to-day operations in spite of Hillary's drafting legal documents for it
I don't know, I'll have to ask Betty Currie to refresh my memory

James Carville is:

Cuddly and funny
Intelligent, witty and handsome
Not working for the White House
The product of parents who are too closely related

Paula Jones was:

Asking for it
Trailer trash after a quick buck
Anxious to be Clinton's girlfriend
Flashed and propositioned by Governor Clinton

Without Hillary, Bill Clinton would be:

Pumping gas into farm equipment in Hot Springs
Sleeping with about the same number of women he is now
President of the US anyway

Return to the VRWC lodge.

Wrong answer!

Sorry, that answer was incorrect. Proceed with extreme caution. 

Click your browser's Back button to try again.

Larry Flynt is:
Not working for the White House
A hero for exercising his First Amendment rights of free speech
Only trying to expose hypocrisy

Hillary is:
One of the top 100 lawyers in America
One of the top 100 lawyers in the White House
One of the top 100 liars in America
Madly in love with Bill Clinton.

Stealing FBI files is:
An innocent bureaucratic snafu
Well within the rights of any president
The Secret Service's fault
A violation of the privacy of American citizens

Kathleen Willey was:
Too small-breasted to make her claims of Clinton groping her be credible
Qualified to be an ambassador
Groped by the president
Asking for it then lying about it.

Return to the VRWC lobby.

You're busted!

The VRWC is aware of the daily 11:00 am conference call to disseminate spin. This phrase has been identified as one of the sanctioned tactics of the White House spin machine. Please refrain from any further attempts to infiltrate the VRWC. 

You have failed

We're sorry, you have failed to meet the requirements to be a member of the Vast Right-wing Conspiracy. 

Click your browser's Back button to try again.

Return to the VRWC homepage.



You have met the requirements to be a member of the Vast Right-wing Conspiracy.

Please raise your right hand and take the following oath:

I hereby certify, promise and swear,
State and declare that I'd never dare,
Divulge all the secrets that must be concealed,
In this vast conspiracy Hillary's revealed.

I further promise (and swear and decree)
That you shouldn't worry, that you can trust me;
I won't reveal where we congregate
Or what we discuss about toppling the state.

If I am tortured by Clinton's hired thugs,
I will keep quiet, I'll spit in their mugs,
I will pretend there's no formalized movements,
To target bad leaders and effect improvements.

If I am asked I'll swear that this entire,
Organized effort in outrage and ire,
At Clinton's behavior is simply because
Clinton is lying like he always does.

I'll do my best to make it appear
That there is no organized effort out here
To rout out corruption; I'll simply pretend
The will of the people's achieving that end.

Inasmuch heretofore on accounta' because
Pursuant to applicable statute that does
Apply here I state my support of the majority
In compliance with controlling legal authority.

Return to top
Return to the VRWC home page.