Application for admission the Vast Right-wing Conspiracy
The successful applicant for the job of Vast Right-wing Conspirator will be able to read and write, will be able to distinguish the difference between having sex and ministering to a confused young girl, and may even have values and morals. If you own a radio you may be a member of the VRWC. If you vote you may be a member of the VRWC. If you read a newspaper you may be a member of the VRWC. Having voted for or supported Bill Clinton in the past does not disqualify you from being a member of the VRWC. Working for the Washington Post or NY times doesn't disqualify you from being a member of the VRWC. Working for NPR or PBS does not disqualify you from being a member of the VRWC. Depending on Hillary's state of mind on any given day your name may be Geraldo Rivera, Lanny Davis, Paul Begala or Susan Thomases and you still may be plotting the overthrow of Bill Clinton. If your name happens to be Bill Clinton you are an honorary high priest in the
VRWC; your actions have gone further toward overthrowing the Clinton administration than any conspiracy could possibly
aspire. Instructions: Click on the button next to the correct answer.
Basic information
Name:
Lanny Davis, Paul
Begala, James Carville, Sidney Blumenthal, Bruce Lindsey, Geraldo Rivera, Barbra
Streisand, or Larry Flynt Depends on your definition of the word " name." Other
Scottish lawyer Hollywood Celebrity White House Intern Fantastically successful novice investor
in cattle futures (making 100:1 returns) Militia organizer Unemployed humanities major Constitutional "scholar" advocate for the president (see above)
One of the jobs Clinton has created
Comedian
Medical Examiner Aircraft crash investigator Investigative journalist Special prosecutor Spinmeister Conservative talk show host TV pundit 15-minutes of fame club member
White House lawyer
Journeyman paper shredder
Private investigator digging up dirt on president's former conquests
My story is public and I have evidence hidden in an undisclosed location My story is public but I have no secret evidence My story is not public
If your story is public and you have evidence hidden in an undisclosed location
Please indicate job preference Revlon employee
Employee of an ambassador
Ambassador
Friend of Nathan Landow
Highly paid "consultant" for Lippo group
Pentagon
Other government job
If your story is public but you have no secret evidence
Please indicate method you'd prefer being trashed by General trailer-trash defamation method
IRS audit
Being buried under legal fees after being investigated by FBI
Knees broken while jogging
Portrayed as a stalker (must come from a broken home)
Dirt from your FBI file
If your story is not yet public
Please indicate method of death you prefer Plane crash
Accidentally falling asleep on railroad tracks
Suicide
Full-on gangland-style shooting
Heart attack in prison
"Botched robbery" at Starbucks
Single-car accident without witnesses
Which of the following statements seems logical to you? A woman can have consensual sex with a man without him having sex with her. A draft dodger probably should not be Commander-in-Chief of US armed forces People routinely smoke dope without inhaling US Presidents routinely spend time and energy finding jobs for young interns
Ken Starr is: The devil incarnate A member of the Vast Right-wing Conspiracy An independent counsel appointed under a statute that Clinton signed Trying to overturn the results of two national elections
Monica Lewinsky was: Stalking the president A confused young girl who needed counsel from the president Only coming to visit her close personal friend Betty Currie One of many women Bill Clinton banged in the oval office
Reprehensible and indefensible Impeachable Juvenile and characteristic of the childishness of this administration Pretty much what you'd expect if you've been paying attention Wrong but does not rise to the level of impeachable offenses
They lost money They stood to gain but had no capital at risk They were not involved in day-to-day operations in spite of Hillary's drafting legal documents for it I don't know, I'll have to ask Betty Currie to refresh my memory
James Carville is:
Cuddly and funny Intelligent, witty and handsome Not working for the White House The product of parents who are too closely related
Larry Flynt is: Not working for the White House A hero for exercising his First Amendment rights of free speech Only trying to expose hypocrisy Disgusting
Hillary is: One of the top 100 lawyers in America One of the top 100 lawyers in the White House One of the top 100 liars in America Madly in love with Bill Clinton.
Stealing FBI files is: An innocent bureaucratic snafu Well within the rights of any president The Secret Service's fault A violation of the privacy of American citizens
Kathleen Willey was: Too small-breasted to make her claims of Clinton groping her be credible Qualified to be an ambassador Groped by the president Asking for it then lying about it.
You have met the requirements to be a member of the Vast Right-wing Conspiracy.
Please raise your right hand and take the following oath:
I hereby certify, promise and swear,
State and declare that I'd never dare,
Divulge all the secrets that must be concealed,
In this vast conspiracy Hillary's revealed.
I further promise (and swear and decree)
That you shouldn't worry, that you can trust me;
I won't reveal where we congregate
Or what we discuss about toppling the state.
If I am tortured by Clinton's hired thugs,
I will keep quiet, I'll spit in their mugs,
I will pretend there's no formalized movements,
To target bad leaders and effect improvements.
If I am asked I'll swear that this entire,
Organized effort in outrage and ire,
At Clinton's behavior is simply because
Clinton is lying like he always does.
I'll do my best to make it appear
That there is no organized effort out here
To rout out corruption; I'll simply pretend
The will of the people's achieving that end.
Inasmuch heretofore on accounta' because
Pursuant to applicable statute that does
Apply here I state my support of the majority
In compliance with controlling legal authority.
Lanny Davis, Paul
Begala, James Carville, Sidney Blumenthal, Bruce Lindsey, Geraldo Rivera, Barbra
Streisand, or Larry Flynt