Fox News owns "Fair and Balanced"? I'm not falling for it.
8/27/03

Fox News is constantly coming under fire from the left for being so conservative. But youíve got to admit, this latest incident proves that they are definitely compassionate conservatives.

What happened is that this guy named Al Franken wrote a book. Now I donít know what Al Franken does for a living, but he canít survive on his skills as a humorist. You see, concomitant in the role of being a humorist is the requirement that one be funny. Al Franken is not (and looks donít count --- ha! ha! ha!) (Oh, geez, I slay me! What sophisticated humor! Oooh, weee! Give me a minute to wipe my eyes) No, really. Al Franken is to humor what Howard Stern is to dignifed social commentary.

But Al Frankenís the only one in the English speaking world who doesnít realize that he suffers from terminal Michael Moore Syndrome. So he wrote a book and the book was destined to sell about three copies (that's all Barbra Streisand could afford). Fox News took notice and said "Oh for heckís crying out loud sake (or words to that effect). We canít stand idly by and watch this fellow human being crash and burn so catastrophically."

So they sued the guy.

Al Franken was rescued. All of a sudden he had more publicity than the Dixie Chicks and he didnít even have to travel to Europe to get it.

Fox was able to rescue Al because included in the title of the book were the words "Fair and Balanced." Fox News was able to latch onto those words as a basis for their charity publicity campaign on his behalf. Oh, no, those words donít form the basis for a lawsuit by any stretch of anyoneís imagination. Thatís the tipoff. Thatís how we in the thinking population know what a selfless act of charity this was.

Had Al Franken's book had any real basis for action against him we might have been fooled into thinking the lawsuit was real. But as altruistic as Fox is, they still have that basic human need to have their selfless acts recognized by the thinking few.

So I quietly give them a wink and a thank you for their charity, having read the subtle signs in the meaningless words at the center of the controversy. But I'm convinced that had those words not been there the clever humanitarians at Fox News would have figured out another way to help out this poor, senseless creature.

So say what you want to about Fox News and their editorial stance and the judgment of their legal staff. They made absolute fools of themselves in order to rescue a human being in crisis.

I salute them for their compassion.