The first thing you've got to understand is that I have great respect and admiration for Jimmy Carter as a human being. He falls into the same category as Dan Quayle, that is, wonderful people I would love to have as neighbors. Especially since I live a very long distance from the White House which is right where they belong.

So, Carter is a great person, but he was a lousy president. In order to get the Nobel Peace prize, don't you have to do something that contributes to world peace? I like what Carter does with Habitat for Humanity and all that, but buying a plane ticket to Havana doesn't qualify you for a prize in my book. If that's where the bar's been lowered for that prize, every one that's ever been awarded lost all its significance.

Here's the situation: Remember back in high school when you got a letter saying you'd been nominated for Who's Who in America High School Students? You were pretty proud of that. You took the letter (along with the order form for the exorbitantly priced book) to school the next Monday. You were going to show it to your Trig teacher and to Estelle Evans, that bombshell in your Physics class.

As you walk up the sidewalk to the Administration building, you come upon a group of people gathered around Dahlen Stone. You don't hang out with Dahlen that much, he doesn't take the same classes you do. His hardest class is band, and he doesn't play an instrument, he's a drum major. If you were to ask him how to find the sine of an angle he'd probably say "just find out what month it was born in." Dahlen's showing his friends a letter, and talking animatedly about it. The letter looks familiar. Oh, for crying out loud, it's from the Who's Who people, congratulating Dahlen Stone on his nomination.

Your copy of the letter ends up in the trash can outside of your home room.

See, that's why Jimmy Carter can't have gotten the Nobel Peace Prize. Were he really to have been awarded something like that, you'd see everyone else that ever got one selling theirs for 20 bucks on eBay.

You can't convince me Jimmy Carter got that prize. You'd just as well try to tell me they'd given the Nobel peace prize to Yasser Arafat. I'm not falling for it.