What do you think Stephen King is doing right this minute?

SK: Darn! Darn! Darn! (or words to that effect) Why didn't I think of this story?
Tabitha King: Oh, honey, really, no one can blame you for not thinking of a nurse's aid hitting a homeless man and leaving him in her garage stuck through her windshield for three days to die.
SK: But nobody would ever think of any of the bizarre stuff I write. Am I losing it?
TK: Listen, Honey, think about it this way. Had you written a story like that people would have thought you were really sick.
SK: And that's different than now in what way?
TK: Okay, but had you written that story it would have been so strange that not a soul would have bought it.
SK: No one?
TK: You might have sold three copies. It would have been a financial disaster.
SK: You're right. I feel better now.
TK: That's right, dear, go finish your story about the lady who drowns her five kids 'cause she was afraid they weren't achieving enough.

Or:

What Stephen King is doing right this minute:
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! I had that book about the lady who hit the homeless guy and left him to die in her garage almost ready for publication. It's going to take me hours to write another book.

What Phil Hendrie is doing right now:
All right guys, emergency meeting. Gotta' scrap the plans for today's show about the lady who hit the homeless guy and left him to die.
Why?
Somebody did it in real life.
So?
We can't do a show about something someone would actually do.
Why not?
We just can't.
Well, we're in deep yogurt, then, 'cause we're running out of bizarre and outrageous things that somebody hasn't already done.

What Jay Leno is doing right now:
(Rubbing his hands together) All right, see? I told you we could survive in the post-Clinton years. Madolyn, call up Robin Williams's agent and cancel, the monologue is going to run long tonight.

What Bill Clinton is going right now:
Gosh golly gee whiz, Gomer, if this doesn't bump my intern boinking out of the headlines after that Andrea Yates thing, I just don't know what will.

What Hillary Rodham Clinton is doing right now:
Good work, Vinny, did you use the same reporter that invented the Andrea Yates story? We've got to be careful if we want to convince America that the schmuck I married isn't that much crazier than the rest of the population. Remember: History is the propaganda of the victors.

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