I wandered into my workplace today
And sat at my desk in the usual way
Something was different, different as heck
Some new policy was now in effect.
I went to my boss to see what to do
But the guy in his office was somebody new.
The phone then rang, and I had to report
To personnel with my pedigree chart.
They seem concerned about where I grew up
And what kind of preferences I had about stuff.
My job was safe as long as I'd tell
Everyone I was sorry I was born a white male.
They then proceeded to hand me a broom
They'd had to demote me to make some room
For diversity, so they'd hired in my place
A college dropout with a bit darker face.
Don't get me wrong, I like him, you see,
I just have my doubts about how wise it may be
To take advice on the valve industry
From someone who studied art history.
The drafters all seem to be real nice lads
Julio and Vinny and Dances-with-CADs
The new machinists are nice, so they seem,
Just don't swap body fluids, if you know what I mean.
Achmed is great as human beings go
But regarding our product he just doesn't know
A hole in the ground from parts of his body.
Then you wonder why his work is so shoddy.
Everyone knows that women are better
At thinking and planning and being go-getters.
I like it, too, 'cause the view has improved
But every time that I look I get sued.
The purchasing agent's not very bright
But his hair's three colors and that's just right
'Cause the rings in his nose spell diversity.
So you won't hear any complaints from me.
Out in the lab there's a guy name of Norman
Who can't read or write, but isn't a Mormon.
In the office where the president once hung his hat
Sits a black handicapped lesbian who votes democrat.
I went to school and I earned my degree
But I was a fool, 'cause now I can see
It's not schooling or knowledge in large amounts
But where your grandparents were born that counts.
So I've quit my schooling and chosen instead
To follow the formula for getting ahead.
I'm changing my name from just simply Ray
To Raul Ishmael Yamamoto Jose.